Slight Reminiscing
by BakaBlue
Summary: Kallen thinks about using refrain to see her past again
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Code Geass**

* * *

The world, once a war fueled society, had found a common ground, the death of the Demon Emperor, Lelouch vi Britannia . They had celebrated at his death and gladly embraced peace to each other and yet this was all part of the Demon Emperor's plan. Using himself as a symbol and scapegoat of hatred, he led everybody, step by step, through his plan. He made himself the focal point of hatred and staged his own climatic death. The majority of the world rejoiced, unaware of his plan, his sacrifice except however a few loved ones who disconcerned the truth.

It has been several months since the zero requiem incident, the world is still slowing rebuilding through the help and benevolence of peace. It's such a rare and fragile thing, hard to believe that it exists right outside the window, although there are slight hiccups, the world seems to much happier. The cost of this time of peace however was exceedingly high, casualties reached millions, innocents slaughtered and occasional property damage, yet it was all worth it, maybe.

Kallen Kōzuki, ace pilot of the Black Knights, currently focuses her daily routine through Ashford Academy, home life with her mother and occasionally work for the Black Knights . Due to her war efforts she gained a pseudo celebrity status, credited with killing the Demon Emperor's right-hand man and knight of zero, Suzaku Kururugi, an accomplishment just short of eliminating the Demon Emperor himself and considered a key factor in his downfall. She herself though does not take pride in these accomplishments after she had discovered the true purpose of the zero requiem.

As the alarm clock rang, Kallen stirred under the sheets, she was tempted to try and ignore it and resume her slumber but it was such an annoyance that getting up seemed the prefered choice compared to damaging it and going through the hassle of a broken clock.

Thats right, it's a school day today. After dealing with the trivial matters such as breakfast and changing in to uniform, passing a look at photos in her room, she left home once again leaving for Ashford Academy

As she walked there she couldn't reminisce about the past, she had before lots of great yet unconventual times related to the academy, she remembered the festivals and how they were to make a giant pizza, which was never successful, not from a lack of trying though, after several attempts the students presumed it cursed and started the rumor that if the giant pizza was ever made, the Demon Emperor will rise from grave and force feed the pizza down their throats.

As Kallen reached the entrance of the academy, she gazed on the building in front of her recalling someone who had long ago asked if she would return to Ashford Academy with him. The red haired girl slightly smirked.

"Heh, what a liar" hervoiced muttered aloud to herself.

"Jerk"she mumbled softly,passing into the grounds.

The part time Guren pilot sat down at her desk waiting for her first class which was history. After sitting staring out the window for a few minutes, a loud noise came from the corridor, that could only mean one thing, the arrival of the student council's vice president and Ashford's most eligible bachelor Gino Weinberg. With unbeknownst to him, several female admirers in tow, Gino graced the classroom with serene presence, spotting Kallen he walked up to her with his radiance aglow.

"Morning Kallen" he greeted her.

After pleasantries, the Knight of the Round, invited the Black Knight's Ace to a tour of the best pastry shops he had discovered later.

"Sorry, I can't" replied Kallen, "After class I have to go a council meeting. new festivals and stuff like that. By the way, don't you have to go as well vice-president?"

Gino laughed that he had forgot, and that with all the exciting things in his life he had forgotten about it, but now that she had reminded him of it she can rest assured that he would be there.

Kallen wasn't overly fond of Gino, but considered him a close friend, after all those were uncommon lately as most people who greeted her was in part more interested at the role she played during the recently ended war.

With the arrival of the teacher the history class, how boring. Several people didn't really pay the subject mind especially Kallen, a few months ago she had made history and now she had to listen to someone's not as exciting war stories, another thing she disliked about history that she could relate to, is that the history text is usually told by some observer's perspective, the writer could have gotten details exceedingly wrong and it would be presented as fact. Humanity could sure be conceited sometimes.

* * *

After class, the student council was ready to start their discussion, what to do at their festival.

"After a week of thinking," council president Rivals began, "We still have no idea what we are going to do!"

"Maid café, haunted house, giant pizza, these are all to generic, we need something so great, so amazing, Milly will run down here and congratulate me for a job well done!"

Rivals continued his usual speech, while the rest of the council contemplates the possible answer.

Gino offered his two cents, "The question should be, what do commoners love, and of course commoners love knightmares, so we should combine the ideas, and do a haunted knightare... wearing a maid costume... selling pizza"

"I'm not really sure thats really idea or not," Kallen sighed, "but I don't think it would be really practical"

"Why?"

"Cost for one thing"

"But all the previous fetivals were a high budget"

"Safety is another thing, a large military vehicle in a crowded place while wearing a dress"

Several minutes later the council meeting was concluded, with hardly any progress made. Mostly it resulted to just a wasted afternoon.

* * *

With the meeting now over the Red Lotus, decided to head home as usual, she didn't care to join her classmates trip through the newly built shopping centre, after all with such a crowed place she could attract overzealous unwanted company, she had many fans after the war and most of them wanted to gossip about her heroics, those people always seem to depress her, they talked about how horrible the Demon Emperor was, how grateful they were for her contribution to his death. This was more than enough to anger her and reminded her of how badly her relationship with Lelouch ended, while she yearn to give an aggressive response she still had to grin and put up the front that she was be happy, it was almost intolerable.

Once she reached her home she found her house unoccupied, her mother would be home later but for now she was left alone. Entering her room she sat on the bed, she started gazing her surroundings and then stopped at her photo collection, focusing on the centre picture which featured a boy who attended Ashford Academy with her long ago.

"Hi again," Kallen began talking to the picture. " President Rivals is still not satisfied with our festival planning so far"

Kallen began telling the photo about her life daily, she did it to comfort to her and help to relieve her of stress. She could pretend what responses he would give, smart, snide and teasing her to her limit. Sometimes she asked the photo about the "what ifs" in her life. what if she knew who he was sooner, what if the Black Knights never betrayed him, what if he answered about how he felt about her, the photo always remained silent to these questions.

"Everyday life is so different without you Lelouch," the red-haired girl continued. "I still can't believe you gone, if feels like a dream and every time I want to wake up to see you grinning and tease me about falling asleep in class. I miss you, what I wouldn't give to see you one last time"

Staring at the image for several minutes, the Black Knight's ace then ran a bath and tried to get comfortable, the water was relaxing and warm. Just as about she was going to get cozy her cell phone began to ring, who could have such bad timing to call her right now, of course the answer was Tamaki. Cursing him as she answered the phone she received a jovial greeting.

"Yo, how was your day?" the ever eager Tamaki began.

"Stop the stalling," Kallen replied. "I was kind of busy before you interrupted me"

"Thats harsh, what a mean thing to say to an old friend that could just be calling because he cares about you and wonders how you are"

"Are you calling because you care about me and wonder how I am?"

"Well... no..."

"I see, so what does the great veteran who saved the world want with me?"

"I kind of need some...assistance, some physical able assistance"

"Interesting, go on."

"A couple days the Black Knights were quite short staffed so I was happy to fill in for some work. I got assigned a mission to stop some local drug dealers, it was pretty cool, I got command of a squad and everything, I was quite a role model to them and they gave me their greatest praise,"

"Tamaki!"

"Right, so anyway, I had to stop this group of over 20 people with only my loyal followers and only 2 knightmare,s the enemy armed with dangerous guns and knives"

"For such a small group you needed knightmares?"

"I know, those thugs were strong"

"Okay...so then what happened?"

" I admit they caught me by surprise, who would have thought a sign could be so miss leading, anyway my unit suddenly on medical leave, it was such a shock, the knightmare frames are submerged by the docks and all that, so satisfied?."

"Yes, I shall pity those brave people who followed you, so what do you need me for? Surely you can just get more back-up from the order"

"How do I say this? The order heard about my great exploits and observe me carefully so they can learn from my greatness and it would be so disappointing for them for me to ask for additional staff"

"I see, so basically you screwed up, you're in hot water and afraid what will happen if they find you messed up again so now you need discrete help!"

"You got it Kallen, I knew I could count on you, I need you here in 3 hours"

The Black Knight's Ace sighed, really how did Tamaki get such a trusted position in the first place.

"Fine, I have nothing better to do, send me the co-ordinates"

"Your the greatest, I'll pick you up soon. Oh, and you'll keep this between us right, nobody else needs to know"

"Yeah, yeah, anything for an old friend"

Getting dressed, the Red Lotus, decided that since it was Tamaki it wouldn't be anything to hard and some exercise for now would do her some good. Gathering her field kit and leaving a note for her mother, she said goodbye to the photo in her room and left.

* * *

Tamaki drove them to a seemingly empty warehouse down by the docks. They climbed to a nearby tower, using the view to look through the warehouse's windows and hopefully to identify their targets. Tamaki, using his binoculars, then directed their attention to small group of people just outside the warehouses's entrance. Kallen trembled with fear at the sight of them, and by "trembled" it meant sighed and by "fear" it meant disappointment at Tamaki.

Five people were standing near them, judging from buldges in there clothes they appeared to be very lightly armed although it could be drugs they were hiding, outwardly appearing to be almost meek people with no military training, maybe some rouge doctors who wanted to get rich quick.

Inside they only had about 17 people, most of them sitting in weird positions, obviously these people were the ones taking the drugs and seemed to be no threat.

"Seriously Tamaki," the Kallen stated in an umimpressed tone. "How could you have failed this mission?"

"There smarter than they look," Tamaki quickly retorted. "Anyway lets get this over with quickly, how about this sniper rifle, we can take them out from here"

"No way, after you dragged me all the way out here just to do that, this requires a more personal touch or else I won't be satisfied"

Kallen climbed down from the tower, Tamaki would try to talk her out of it but he knew it would be no use to try and stop somebody that headstrong, maybe he will just stay up here arm the long range gun just in case something went wrong.

As she crept closer to the unsuspecting group she placed the symptoms some of the people were showing, it seemed so familiar like she had seen s=those symtons before, it could only point to one thing, the ever so popular refrain. Sneaking closer she overheard the the 5 people talking, apparently something about one of them didn't have any money and was trying to set up a deal or some kind, the rest of the company didn't seem pleased with his actions.

The first thing she needed to do was verify their actions, walking in their view she put on her infamous sick girl routine, hobbling over in an attempt to appear weak and vulnerable. Catching their attention she put on her best innocent face.

"Um, excuse me," began the seemingly weak red-haired girl.

Three of people gave their attention to her, the smallest one smiled at her, ready to hear her words.

"Good evening, how can we help you" spoke the man. "It's rare to find someone so young around here at this time"

"I heard from a friend that I could get some refrain somewhere here"

"Really? And why would you be interested in that?"

"I could use some, you wouldn't happen to have any would you? I have some money, I can pay for it"

"You know, you could really get in serious trouble for asking something like that to the wrong people, but...I might just happen to be able to help."

"So you actually have some then?"

"Sure, maybe this is what your looking for" replied the unsuspecting man as he put his hand into his right trouser pocket and pulled out a vial of yellow liquid.

"Yeah," smirked Kallen. "Thais what I needed to see"

In a sudden swift movement the man was knocked out by a right uppercut to the jaw, before the other two could comprehend what had happened they felt a sharp pain by their back of their heads before the also followed suit to the realm of the dreaming. Seeing what had happened one of the people that stayed slightly back started fumbling at his pockets. The Black Knight's Ace dispatched him with a spin kick, she had really wanted to spin kick somebody recently, it always look so fun as long as you were not on the receiving end.

The last person got on his knees hunched over the fallen men, apparently checking their conditions, while being mortified on how quickly a young girl had knock out these people, what he was actually doing was robbing the unconscious man's refrain supply, quickly securing the required instruments he hoped to intoxicated himself as soon as he could.

Readying the needle, his hands were suddenly in pain, the red-haired girl had painfully disarmed him, clutching his hand in pain, he now resorted to now pathetically begging.

"Please, please..." he began in a panic. "Just let me go, just one me..I need it just one more time"

He started sobbing, Kallen figured she should just knock him out.

"I...I..just want to see my little sister again" he muttered. "So please, mercy, just this one time, I need..."

And just like that he was out, a quick small blow to the head was all he needed.

'Such a pity,' thought the man's attacker. 'I could almost relate to him, well some of him anyway, sort of'.

With most of the work done, the inevitable appearance of Tamaki came into view, smiling proudly at a job done. All that's left to do gather the people and drugs into the transport, after offering words of praise, they loaded the people away, stripping them of any drug on their person, making sure the were secured, not the most exiting part of the job but Tamaki was able to do it.

"Thanks again Kallen," continued Tamaki. "Any remember nobody else in the Black Knights need to know about this right, this is just between us, I'm counting on you."

"Okay, okay," the girl grumbled, starting to get annoyed by the man. "Lets just go so I can get to bed"

"Um...you see, I kind of need to take them straight to headquarters, we don't want them to find out where you live after all, and since this is our secret I can't really show up with you right..."

"What! Tamaki!"

"Wait, wait, don't kill me just yet, I'll gladly give you the money for a ride home, I'll even give you more than enough, here take my wallet, take as much money as you want, just have mercy"

Kallen grabbed his wallet, after trying to calm down for a little, after all what did she expect from Tamaki, she took enough money for the a ride home and half what was left and threw the rest into Tamaki's face.

"Your really pushing it!" she shouted, face tinted with anger. "Fine, but this is the last time I'm going to help you, no matter how pathetic you sound next time!"

Tamaki timidly responded while slowly backing away to the driver's seat.

"Err, yeah, thanks again, really... thanks, and just again, please, don't tell anybody else about this, especially Ohgi..."

With that he hurriedly tried to leave as soon as possible, not daring to look, not even in the rear view mirror, leaving his friend alone behind, he didn't need to worry about her, she could take care of herself, he needed to worry about him and send his friend a thank you gift later in an effort for damage control.

Kallen watched him go, wondering if he might crash, still slightly miffed, she kicked a nearby object sending it flying a few metres. After spending a few minutes regulating her anger, she got out her phone and arranged for a ride, she would meet up with them at a nearby road.

As the red-haired girl began to leave she noticed the object she kicked earlier, it was that one syringe full of refrain she disarmed from the man earlier, still intact. Great, it appeared Tamaki had messed up again and left something important behind. She walked past it, willing to leave it behind, or that's what she would have liked to do, she couldn't leave something like that here where anyone walking pass could take it. She picked it up, staring at it for a second and put it in her pocket, deciding how to dispose of it later. Right now she wanted to go home and sleep the night away.


	2. Chapter 2

"Q-1, destroy the bridge on north-east side!" ordered a old familiar voice.

"Yes Zero!" she answered .

The Guren smashed through the construction, leaving the end of the bridge impassable and stopping the supply line right in its tracks. Kallen watched on as the Black Knight Squadron captured the train, on the look out for any sudden enemy movement.

Confirming that the current area was safe and that the enemies' resources had been liberated, the Guren headed towards the Ikaruga, the mission was successful, adding the extra inventory to themselves well crippling one of Britannia's supply lines. After commencing docking procedures, the Black Knight's best pilot dismounted. A few seconds walking forward and Kallen was greeted by the leader and founder of the Black Knights, the one and only Zero.

Gesturing to follow him, the masked hero of justice turned and started to leave the hangar, Kallen calmly followed him as the both entered a nearby elevator. Once inside, Zero commissioned the lift to head upwards, then turned towards the pilot.

"Wonderful work as always Kallen," the voice echoed proudly in the small confinement. "Apparently a new prototype generator was aboard, it's not very practical as of yet, but I can believe we can salvage something useful from it"

"Thanks, I'm glad to hear it" Q-1 responded.

She didn't really get all the technical stuff, that didn't concern her, piloting was her job here after all.

"I also require your assistance for a different matter," Zero continued. "I'll give you the details in my quarters."

The elevator gave a ring, as it stopped at the desired floor. With the hero of the rebellion leading through the passages, they stopped in front of Zero's personal room. Kallen entered the pass code, which was only known only to three people. Passing through the door, Kallen observed the room, aside from a familiar chess set there was nothing to take particular note of, even C.C didn't appear to be here at all. The door closed with a hiss.

Kallen turned around and saw Zero unmasking himself, removing the helmet he revealed the face of Lelouch Lamperouge, he pursed his hand toward his face, placing a contact onto his eye, then taking his hand away he showing his amethyst eyes. The Guren pilot momentarily stared at her old classmate's face.

Lelouch sat down on the couch and invited his guest to follow suite. placing his helmet next to him and faced the girl.

"So on to business then," he began. "As you know, leading this double life is really irksome sometime, in a few hours I will have to depart for Ashford again."

He paused and sighed before continuing again.

"Amway I fear the rest of the Black Knights aren't... getting enough moral support when I'm not around, in this case I usually have C.C impersonate me, however certain people have began to get suspicious of me, mostly because of the way "Zero" behaved when Tamaki caused that pizza incident, so the bottom line is I need C.C to accompany you while you take the role of Zero."

"Uh, excuse me" Kallen sounded slightly surprised.

"I need you to be Zero for a while" A smirk coming across his face.

"But what if I do something wrong? It's really a big responsibility to be the symbol of everyone's hope"

"You'll be fine Kallen. I trust you"

The Black Knight ace seemed slightly bemused at what Lelouch had said, looking away from him,she took a deep breath. It seemed so simple a request, but it also could possibly have a lot of meaning.

"Fine, I'll do it"

"Excellent, thank you" Lelouch then smiled. "Don't worry this isn't the first time you wore my clothes"

"Uh what do you mean I...oh, yeah, the first day we really talked to each in our school personas"

Both of them changed their tone as they began remembering something that was like a past-life to them, even though not even 2 years had passed from that time.

"Those were some great times weren't they?"

"Except the part where hid you were Zero"

"I can still remember how great you looked in the shower"

With that, Kallen had punched him on the shoulder, a faint blush on her face.

"Ow ," Lelouch mumbled, but didn't mind the contact, Kallen raised a finger and poked him.

"You know, if I knew how much trouble you would have caused me back then I would have cut off your hand when I had the chance"

"We really have come a long way since then, still in the future, I would like to go back there again, you will, of course, be joining me right?"

Kallen put her hand around

"That goes without saying, we really have matured since then right, both physical and emotional"

"Strange, physically I still feel the same as ever"

"Lelouch, you have watched over me from all that time, both my school life and secret life, so tell me, what do you think of me?"

* * *

The sound of ringing filled the air.

That annoying alarm clock was being really persistent as the former sleeping Kallen slowly stirred in her bed sheets, she had decided to stay home today since she had a long night previously, unfortunately it seemed she had forgot to inform her alarm of the change in plans.

'It was one of those dreams again,' she thought to herself.

Since she was already awake she decided she might as well get up from bed. Getting dressed into casual clothes, she tried to focus on what she had dreamt however most of the dream was already forgotten. It wasn't the first time she had a dream like that and it wasn't likely to be the last either.

Determinating that her mother had already left earlier, she decided to seek some food for herself. Inspecting the fridge she found leftover pizza, taking a slice she began to mull over events that had transpired last night that was cleaning up Tamaki's latest mess, not really big of a deal, the most troubling part had been dealing with Tamaki himself, beside that she had stopped a small drug dealing group.

Not to mention a small momento from the adventure, a little tidbit of refrain, which was currently on a shelf in her room. Now how to dispose of it? She could hand it over to the Black Knights in charge of confiscation but then again it would have to detailed information about it and she promised a certain idiot that she wouldn't let anyone know of his screw up. She couldn't leave it lying around, what if her mother found it and then it would get really awkward, well maybe she was over thinking it, she could just empty the thing down the drain and throw the needle away later.

Really, Tamaki had given her a lot of work that she wasn't supposed to have since she could remember, and now she had to add another thing to the really long list of things to scold Tamaki for, but that was for later, right now she had some free time and she wasn't going to let Tamaki ruin it so easily.

With seemingly nothing else much to do right now, Kallen turned to television for a bit. Nothing seemed to be watchable at the moment until she flipped to a channel that displayed Zero giving a diplomatic speech. Kallen watched as the man tried to unite the world through his words. While Zeros words were moving it didn't seem right to the Black Knight Ace, the tone was somehow off, the gestures were not astute, not at all charismatic as the old Zero was or maybe it was because she prefered the old one.

Kallen had long suspected that this new "Zero"'s real identity was

Suzaku Kururugi, the man she had supposedly killed herself, it had been obvious to her by the man movements as he acted as Zero, as the greatest pilot in the Black Knights she had fought him many times before and so knew his techniques well, the rest of the Black Knights, with the exception of Todoh, seemed oblivious though. Despite her hopes none of them didn't even have a grasp about Zero Requiem, this was especially true about her close friend Ohgi, they single-mindedly believed the Demon Emperor had always been a monster. Either way they had accepted this man as Zero as they had witnessed him slay their most hated enemy.

Zero's speech was adequate enough to satisfy the televised audience though as they broke out the back she had always resented this new Zero, most of it was attributed because the role he played in ending Lelouch's life, sure he had to do it, sure they planned it out in advance, sure Lelouch wanted him to do it, but it was not something that she could ignore and have no ill-will towards him with. During the earlier months, Kallen as one of the Black Knights had to collaborate to help put up the image of Zero, and through it all, she hated it when she had to call him "Zero", she hated it when he called her "Q-1", it just wasn't the same as the true Zero, not this substitute, and yet those words openly mocked her about it, and the other Black Knights always wondered why she was in a bad mood during those missions.

Well obviously watching television was doing little to help her enjoy her time and the red-haired girl turned it off, with nothing much else to do she might as well do something she had been meaning to do again for a while, namely shredding her fan mail that was standing around by her room. It was of those annoyances of life, it's not like she could refuse them or put them through to someone else, she had an image of the people's hero to maintain, she even needed to go to lengths to incinerate the letters in case some of the more rabid fans searched her garbage, still she would read at least one of them first.

Opening a letter at random, it contain a declaration of love, praise and devotion, more importantly it was definitely flammable material. This kind of praise was only a reminder of her betrayal of the first Zero, it was her deepest regret.

As the red-hair girl went to her room to use her own paper shredder, she paused to look at her photo of Lelouch, he was sitting aloof as usual, it kind of made her want to change that expression of his, well she had the time so she might as well tell him about Tamaki's latest inspiring adventure, she could at least trust him to not tell the other Black Knights, since he was a photo after all.

"Hi there Lelouch," she started in a soft voice, taking a seat at the end of her bed . "It's me Kallen again, you must be tired of having to talk only to me every day"

Not really expecting a reply, he blue eyes watched the picture and continued on.

"Last night, I had to put up with Tamaki again, he always fails at the simplest jobs, I had to basically do the whole mission for him, he really is pathetic, personally I think you should have layed him off long ago."

"Well, yes he got up in the ranks during the early days but that was because everyone above seemed to die during their missions. I never understood how he survived this long too, not that I want him to die, but there are more people that deserve to live more than he does."

"Even after all the work I do, Tamaki even manages to fail collecting all the evidence, he leaves a some refrain right in the open, forcing me once again to cover for his antics, which reminds me I still need to get rid of that thing, my mother will be coming home later and I don't know what she would do if she found it. Remember when I last saw my mother with refrain, it really shocked me. Still it's thanks to you leading me that I can help her this day, if you weren't there she would probably still be stuck on that thing, reliving through old memories."

Kallen frowned listening to what she just said.

"Reliving through old memories... I wonder...You know back then I wanted to help her and I still do, but now I can really relate, but I can't let her get her hands on anymore refrain, which means I should get rid of that needle now, I'll make sure mother doesn't get it, this is for her sake"

The young girl rose from her bed and grabbed the idle needle on the shelf, what she originally came here to do long forgotten.

"Thanks for the chat, Lelouch. I think I feel better now, I talk to you later again okay, I just need to get rid of this thing right now alight"

Kallen made her way to the door.

"You could at least wish me goodbye you know"

With that the room was now empty as its only occupant had just left to the bathroom, ready to get rid of the drug, or at least that was the plan.

Just before she reached the bathroom she noticed that she was having an internal struggle in her mind. It was irritating and yet it made her feel nervous.

'Ignore it' Kallen thought, her mind suddenly in indecisive turmoil. ' Ignore it, ignore the fact that your holding something that could be offering the thing you wanted for the past several months, ignore it'

'But I can't ignore it this could be my only chance'

Arguing with herself, this didn't look very optimistic.

'Ignoring you, voice in my head'

'This is a golden opportunity, nobody actually knows that you have some refrain'

'Either way I have to get rid of it'

'Think, if you don't take this chance you might never be able to get some discreetly again'

'And I'm fine with that'

'Are you serious about that?'

'Yes, I am"

Reaching over the bathroom sink, the red-haired girl position herself to empty the needle.

'At least just this one time'

Her fingers were shaking.

"No"

'No what?'

'I have to get rid of it'

'Fine'

'Fine?'

'Try and throw it away then'

And try she did, but it seemed physically impossible for her, almost as she had been stopped by some strange psychic power.

'So I really can't after all then, huh'

Breathing hard for a few seconds, she thought about her options.

'If I can't throw it away, I just need to keep it someplace'

'But what if mother finds it?'

'If I take it, mother won't be able use it right'

'But it's still wrong'

'ENOUGH, I will get rid of this! I just need to prepare myself'

'On the count of three then'

'Fine, I'll defiantly do it this time'

"One" she spoke out loud in a determined voice.

'This has to be done'

"Two"

Her hands were shaking, it only took one simple movement and this whole stupid thing would be over.

"Two and a half"

'Now I'm just pathetically stalling for time'

"THREE"

* * *

"Well that was stupid" Kallen spoke to no one in particular, she sat in her room, searching her arm for an adequate vein.

* * *

Kallen woke up in her room in the in the Ikaruga, what was she doing here again? It felt as there was something amiss.

'Let's see' she began thinking to herself. 'I needed to do something here, what did I come here for? I came for...I'm here to pilot the Guren, that's right I'm needed right now to test pilot the Guren right now, yeah that was it, how could I forget'

The red-haired girl changed into the also red pilot suit trying to make sense of the situation. Leaving her room she headed down to the hangar, it was as if her body moved on auto-pilot, each step determined as she moved inside the familiar elevator. Just before she went inside the hanger she saw Zero, he was being briefed on the latest mission details.

'Its Zero' she shouted in her head. 'There was something important I wanted to tell him, I need to tell him about that...that, why can't I remember? It's important, wait! Why am I leaving? I have something important to do here'

Kallen moved straight to her Guren, barely acknowledging Zero's presence as she walked, her current mission was to operate this latest piece of technological marvel.

'I will need to tell him soon, after this, I need to pilot this now, and then I can tell him'

Once finishing take-off procedures, she first started a quick flight test, this was what she was born to do, It felt exhilarating, she fought for the Blacks Knights this way, and this is how she could help save Japan.

'It feels so familiar, like I've done this so many times, then again why shouldn't it feel familiar, she had done the same thing yesterday and the day before back now that she started think about that'

Next up was trying some basic combat techniques on the local terrain, the results were impressive to all onlookers.

'With this I could defeat Britiannia, Guren has never been this outstanding before, but somehow I thought it would be stronger and faster somehow, guess I had my expectations to high, well the machine is much better than it was before, maybe my expectations were unrealistic'

The Blacks Knight ace pilot put the knightmare through all the routines until her audience was satisfied and proclaimed that was enough piloting for the day. After docking she went towards the cafeteria, hoping to find something to cool her off, but before she could get there the journey was offset by the appearance of Zero, in one of the passages.

Finding Zero thinking to himself. Kallen thought she might as well see what the latest news was, she was his bodyguard after all, besides she had something she wanted to discuss with him after all.

"Hey, Zero" Kallen began with a casual greeting. "What are you brooding about now?"

"Ah, Q-1" Zero responded, his voice sounded through his mask.

Inside the pilots head a wave of emotions seemed to erupt, this was the first time she heard his actual voice in a long time, it dawned on her that she was really talking to Zero again, it was so serene. Despite all the feelings Kallen had this moment her face refused to show it, her body moving in a way that this was just an ordinary day for her.

"I was going through all the missions details again," the masked man continued, unaware to all the emotion centred his way. "There are certain improvisations I will have to make to achieve acceptable victory conditions."

'This is my chance,' Kallen's mind was telling her. 'I need to tell him now, I might never get any other chance to tell him this'

"Anything that concerns what I must do," the Zero Squadrons leader asked, her voice oblivious to the thoughts in her head.

'No! That's not it, why can't I say it?'

"Nothing you should have to worry about, your job is already delicate and it is essential that you succeed, speaking of which do you need to go over the plan again just to make sure"

'Plan? I don't remember any plan right now'

"You don't have to worry about me Zero, I have my mission objectives memorised, it seems easy enough"

'What am I saying?'

"As expected from my Q-1, I'm glad you have that much confidence, as always my faith in you is never proven wrong, remember once again I'm trusting you with one of the most important tasks"

'It feels nice having the trust from the legendary Man of Miracles, I hope I can live up to it, I don't ever want to let him down'

"Anyway, so nothing really important then, well if that's all I'll just leave you to your thinking, I other things to do as well"

'I'm leaving?, but I don't want to go yet'

"See you for now Zero, I'll be back to check on you later"

"Thank you Kallen, I'll be in my quarters later, feel free to drop by"

Kallen lifted one arm as a sign of farewell as she walked down the hallway.

* * *

The Red Lotus awoke by the sound of ringing.

Kallen found herself lying on her bed. Trying to think how she had got here when she was heading to the cafeteria a few short seconds ago.

She had a slight headache and then she realized what she had done. She wondered if she had any regrets now but she felt to numb to properly think about that now.

More importantly what time was it? Was her mother home? And what was the ringing?

In order it was late afternoon, her mother was not here yet but would arrive soon, and the ringing had been her cellphone.

Checking her phone, she had a few missed calls and messages from Ohgi. What did the prime minister need help with? He was short handed with staff lately, well better find out.

Spending a few minutes to check her bearings she then dialed Ohgi's number.


	3. Chapter 3

Kallen stood outside the solid wooden door. A sense of foreboding gathering around her abdomen, telling her that she should not be here, that this was a mistake and she would most definitely be regretting this, she didn't want to go inside and face the consequences for decision. But right now she had to do it, raising her right arm she knocked the door three times She started hoping nobody was here, that something unexpected happened and she could go home right now. After 18 seconds of agonising waiting, the door slowly opened, revealing the prime mister of Japan beyond them.

"It's great you could come Kallen," beamed Ohgi in a cheerful smile. "I really appreciate you coming over to babysit."

"It's no problem at all," the girl responded while returning the smile. "Anything for a close friend"

* * *

Yesterday, Kallen nervously called Ohgi on her phone, her hand slightly shaking. The girl was wondering what the leader in her old resistance cell needed to contact her for. Was he somehow spying on her and was going to discipline her for her little slip-up with refrain earlier? Did he need her to pilot the Guren for a mission?

The phone was answered on the third ring.

"Hello," sounded the high-spirited voice of Oghi.

Well he didn't sound man or serious at least.

"Hey," her voice was weary. "I got your message, what do you want to talk about"

"You sound tired Kallen, perhaps you should go to bed a bit earlier tonight. Anyway I wanted to ask you a very special favor for me tomorrow."

The red-haired girl was a bit more relieved that he didn't seem to know about her refrain stunt, it would be impossible for him to know in the first place, but a small bit of paranoia was justified.

"Okay, give me the details, so what is this "special" favor you need"

"You see, I have an important meeting to attend as the prime minister, but due to a sudden change in plans, the whole thing got rescheduled, and me and Viletta have to go tomorrow, the bottom line is we need someone to watch over our child".

"And you picked me?" Kallens voice smoothing out as the conversation continued.

"Yes, we would both feel safest if it was you Kallen, it's just until late tomorrow night"

"Well if you put it in that way, I don't see how I can refuse"

"Thanks a lot, if you could come to my place after school would be okay, see you tomorrow and try to get some rest tonight"

"Right, I'm looking forward to it"

When the call ended the young girl fell back onto bed, resting for a few minutes, she would tell her mother that she would be home later than usual tommorow.

* * *

"Come in, come in" Ohgi said eagerly, ushering his guest inside.

Kallen was brought in a brightly light room with lots of bright colors, if was full of comforts and quality furniture with a few padding here and there for baby safety, it gave the nostalgic aura of a happy family home.

"Dear!" the proud father shouted into his house. "Kallen has arrived"

A few seconds later a brittianian women arrived, in her arms, wrapped in the blanket, would be the family's bundle of joy.

"Hello Kallen, thanks for taking the time to help us" Viletta spoke and the directed her attention to the baby. "Say hello to your friend Kallen, dear"

The newest addition to the Kaname family didn't greet their visitor so much as made a few gargling sounds.

"That's so cute," Kallen smiled at the child. "Who's a good little baby, you are, aren't you? Were going to get along and have fun tonight aren't we?"

The baby gave a joyful laugh as it grabbed Kallen's finger.

"My, your so good with children Kallen" the britannian interjected.

The baby continued to be amused with all the attention.

"Looking at you like this, someday I think you'll make a great mother"

"Eh?' Kallen was getting a little flustered.

"It is still probably to early for that," Ohgi said rejoining the conversation. "But Villeta is right about great with children, there is no need to rush of course, were in a time of peace, so enjoy your life however you want."

Kallen looked toward Ohgi, while Villete continued with the conversation.

"It must be so nice to be young, I can remember when I was your age, those were some nice times, by the way do you have someone you like?"

"Someone... I like." Kallen repeated, she didn't like where this chat was going. "Well, I... rather... not talk things like that

"Oh, so I take things are complicated," Ohgi showing an intrest in this. "Don't worry Kallen, if things don't work out, just tell me his name and I'll sort the boy out for you."

The red-haired girl definitely did not like where this conversation was going and tried to change the subject.

"So where do you keep the baby formula? Could you show me a tour please, so I know what to do when I need to do it?

With the chat succesfuly diverted, Kallen received the basic tour, instructions, contact numbers and lots of praise. With all the formal things covered and Ohgi having some free time before they had to leave, they started talking about work such as Ohgi's part time work at his position in the Black Knights.

"Well, there's a lot more paper work than I thought there would be," Ohgi continued. "We also have limited staff so I have to read all the reports myself too, then there is the complaints, you wouldn't believe people, say for an example Tamaki, have done, but I'll cut him some slack at least, just the other day he finished a successful mission, I was pleasantly surprised myself, then again I still haven't read the full report"

The young girl nodded along, not really interested but she was willing to bear it for at least a few minutes until the prime minister had to leave.

It wasn't long until the time of departure, leaving both half-brittanian, half-japanese by themselves. From there things started going downhill, soon the baby was crying and many an attempt failed to remedy it, with pulling faces failed and rocking it around being less than satisfactory, Kallen was content to try and force it some baby formula and hope the baby quiets down on it's own soon after she put it into it's crib.

After 26 minutes of continuous crying the spawn of Villetta finally fell asleep. At that moment Kallen found herself in Ohgi's study, which was the most sound proof room in the house. The room was filled with stacks of papers, inspecting them revealed them to be various paperwork for the Black Knights and Ohgi's political job. Ohgi probably did any remaining work at home in this room. With nothing much else to do the Black Knight's best pilot was curious about what her fellow knights were doing lately, locating where some of the Black Knights reports were she picked some up and gave them a look through.

Kyoshiro Todoh seemed to doing quite well, leading his fellow subordinates with a hands-on approach, nothing to big, he also seemed to be doing some political work but it seem minor. Rakshata Chawla was doing various field tests, with the world now open with trading technology, the scientist had invented numerous proto-types and collecting various data. "Zero" was inspiring peace and justice somewhere. Flipping through the pages Kallen, came across a lot of old names, numerous of her old colleagues had resigned from the Black Knights after the Zero Requiem incident. There was nothing really major in the reports, minor problems here and there but nothing that couldn't be easily fixed, then she found something that might be humourous, some of Tamaki's latest reports.

Well it seemed Tamaki was working hard, he seemed to take pride at his successful work patrolling the area by the red light district and he appeared to be very eager to say the least, cases of weird proportions such as some weird "Pizza Incident", yet Kallen suspected that alot of things were omitted. Browsing through the girl came across something that caught her attention, the report on the night she had helped Tamaki with the drug dealers. Throughly reading this she confirmed her name was not mentioned, however she didn't remember the dealers having explosives, being that dangerous or how Tamaki single-handedly defeating them all at once, it stated they had hallucinations from the drugs so there what they had seen couldn't be accountable, a side-note stated that they thought Tamaki was a very attractive girl.

Either way, considering all the evidence found they would probably be held guilty. They were currently being transferred somewhere else for imprisonment. The next part had the most effect on the pilot, apparently their drugs after being confiscated were stored in the local Black Knight headquarters, the same local Black Knight headquarters that was mentioning her Guren Knightmare frame.

At the first thought Kallen payed the information no mind. A few seconds later she felt herself slightly sweating, it was irritating a bit, then her irritation started slowly growing, whith the feeling penting up she tried reassuring herself instead.

'I am not thinking about this' were Kallen's thoughts. 'I told myself that it was just that one time and that's it'

'Besides it's tightly held at the Black Knight Headquarters, I wouldn't even be able to get it if I wanted too, which I don't. No, it doesn't matter that I am highly ranked there and have an all access clearance, surely they wouldn't allow me anywhere near where they kept it, even if they gave me almost free reign there.

'It's illegal and I shouldn't, anyway I don't think it was even worth it, I mean sure I got to hear and see Lelouch again, sure I get to feel his soft touch again, but it wasn't worth it. I don't even care that I think it was worth it. I'm not doing it again.'

'Nope, I'm not listening to the thoughts in my head, all I'm thinking of is blah, blah, blah. I just need to distract myself with something else, I just need to think of something else...something else...something else...I was doing something earlier, what was it again, it was... it was...Oh, that's it, the baby!'

The girl ran to the baby's crib with the speed befitting the captain of the Zero Squadron. She was greeted by the sound of some soft snores and then a sudden smell that you wouldn't find in a flower shop, someone needed a diaper change, you could probably figure which one.

* * *

The sky was clear as a faint wind was brushing by, the time was just after midday, Kallen was sitting leisurely on one of the rooftops of Ashford Academy. The babysitting, with all things considered, had been a success, although it had been more stressful than she thought, and she had expected to be very stressful originally in the first place.

The red-haired girl had a restless night arriving at her home, only soon to be reminded she had to attend class next morning. Have been submitting herself to go through several lectures, she had decided to indulge in the time-honored tradition of skipping class.

As she stood gazing at the ground below, she was have an internal battle constantly debating with herself.

'The answer should be so simple, so why is it so hard for me?'

Kallen was once again faced with the dilemma of refrain, something that was appealing yet dreaded, starting with the first topic, the option to acquire more or not.

'I shouldn't even be considering this. let alone twice'

'Okay, I am going to ask myself is it worth it?'

'It was just that one time, I promised myself right?'

'But is it worth it?'

'...'

'...'

'No, it's not'

'But do I want it?'

'Yes, I want it, I know shouldn't, but I do, I would do anything for a chance to be beside him once again'

'So it is worth it then?'

'...'

'...'

'It doesn't even matter anyway, it's tightly secured, with security cameras, scanners and everything, there is no way for me, an ordinary high school girl, to get them, even if I am the Black Knight Ace, it's impossible for me. Yes, the Black Knights security system is flawless, I have complete faith in it. So I would never get them even if I tried.'

'Yup, I will prove to myself that it wouldn't even be possible'

'I am so certain that I might as well go there, so I can just show how futile it is, then I will never have to worry about this again'

With that, the young girl grabbed her bag and rushed out of the academy, oblivious to their passing shouts.

* * *

Kallen arrived her local Black Knight headquarters, she was already familiar with the layout as she had gone several times already. She often had missions occasionally as part of her work in the Black Knights, even her prized knightmare frame, Guren was maintain here as well, the knights were very liberal with Kallen's schedule, since not only was she their best pilot, a savior against the Demon Emperor but they had to consider that she was a young girl that had to enjoy every day school life as well. That said she was welcome to come and go as she pleased though several time she would be called on to test some of Rakasha's newest upgrades to the Guren.

As the red-haired girl passed through the front entrance, she was half-hoping there would be some sudden incident and she would be forced to assist and she wouldn't have time to do anything else, but no luck so far.

Without drawing any suspicions Kallen walked into the more secured facilities, she expected someone to stop her, that someone would sense what she was trying to do and ask her to leave, that they would reprimand her for wearing her school uniform and she would be forced out until she came back with the right attire. instead the passing personal warmly greeted there favorite pilot and went on their way.

'This isn't going according to plan' she thought feeling more nervous with every step. 'Security should not be so lax!'

Next she had to locate the correct rooms, she thought back and remembered that the security camera room was on the 2nd floor in the south side of the building while the temperary storage for confiscated items was on the floor under ground level.

Figuring to go the confiscated items first, she located the nearest route downwards, she could she what she could do with the video later, considering that even if they saw her there she had free access to anywhere within the grounds, even if they found it suspicious they couldn't question a superior ranked officer easily.

'Maybe this isn't as bad as it looks' eyeing the automated door. 'Maybe they changed the password without telling me, maybe there is an error recognising my I.D. Surely someone will ask why I am in the wrong department. Come on, this is one of the headquarters of the legendary Black Knights'

The door however did not seem to want refuse her entrance and graciously opened welcoming her inside.

'Darn it! I really need to suggest better security at the next meeting! I had so much faith in it too'

The personal gathered here were eager to help though Kallen refused their offer giving some elaborate excuse about Tamaki mislabeling a unique knightmare fuel booster and that she would recognize it when she saw it. They unshamefully bought her flimsy story without question, muttering about it being something Tamaki would do.

The black knight pilot searched the directory finding the location of refrain vials. It couldn't be this easy could it? She passed several sections toward her target. Her heart pounding in her chest, turning past a corner she found what she was looking for.

Several cases of refrain were neatly stacked on on shelf, clearly marked, just sitting there, patiently waiting to be picked off the self, she paused for a moment, was she really going to do this? She had come this far, she didn't believe she would make it here in the first place, if was that thought that allowed her to try to get here. With fate insisting like this she could not leave empty handed, waiting for the right opportunity she reached out ready to grab one case, of course this is usually the time something went wrong, that moment that the unexpected happened to deprive you of your prize... Yet nothing happened. Kallen slowly with shaking hands placed one of the cases into her bag, really, was it that simple? Even though she was one one the most highly trusted people in the Black knights you would think something would happen right?

With everything running eerily smoothly, there was one more stop to make, the security camera room, although there was nothing suspicious about one of their own pilots walking around and probably nothing would come of it anyway, it was just to be extra cautious. There was no backing down now, any leftover doubts should have been left over when she had grabbed the refrain. there was only one path now and that led up the stairs. Passing every person was nerve-wrecking, their occasional greetings each gave a small shocking sensation. Moving left, straight and left again, going over the directions in her head, it was not the time to make mistakes now, she wouldn't let pressure stop her, she was a soldier of the Black Knights and therefore trained to handle pressure, nausea and lack of sleep.

Walking toward the camera room, there was one man on duty here, dressed in a black knight uniform as his silhouette sat in front of the monitors, how would should go about this maybe knock the man out? She might be lucky and the man would be asleep like in those cliché tv shows. The man's movement suggested he was awake. What would be the easiest way to get rid of him? Kallen settled for the direct approach, silently walking up to the man, she tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped a little in surprise facing his visitor. Kallen then ordered him to leave the room, falsely informing him about a suspicious person by the south side of the building. Yet again this was so simple, too simple, security here was disappointing. Moving toward the screens she located the video with the refrain storage was kept in, deleting it. It might be curious that some video would disappear but with how lenient the security was here, it would probably passed as a technical error.

The Black Knighs' ace could leave now, all conditions had been cleared. Simple and easy, that was it, no alarms, no traps, no trouble at all. She left the room before the man earlier returned, her pace as a quick strut, avoiding eye contact with everyone she met, she descended using the elevator this time. Kallen couldn't believe this, is this what she wanted, what did she come here for in the first place? That was a distant memory now.

Almost to the entrance now, this is their last chance to stop her, she waited a few seconds extra, maybe something dramatic could happen. Taking steps toward the entrance, was this really it? Fortunately no. By some miracle someone called out the pilot's name.

Kalled was surprised, this was moment she afraid of yet was hoping for. Turning slowly backwards she was greeted by one of the women that worked in reception.

Facing her at eye level, the woman began speaking quickly.

"Hello Captain, I hope your having a nice day, I was ordered to inform you that Rakasha wants you for piloting duty in exactly two weeks time"

Without waiting for an answer the woman turned around and left unaware of the torrent of emotions that she had caused. Kallen herself was stunned for a few seconds, there were no words in that could come from her mouth for the moment, as she slowly walked out the building heading towards her home.


	4. Chapter 4

As Zero slowly removed his helmet Kallen stared in bewilderment as his amethyst eyes came ito view, they lock eyes for a moment, her visage reflecting slighty on Lelouch's pupils. It was only for a few seconds but at that moment the girl felt at peace.

"How are the preparations going?" Lelouch's voice being one of authority.

"Almost everything is proceeding as scheduled," the bodyguard responded naturally. "There is a slight delay in one sector, but it will be remedied shortly"

"Very good, Q-1" The leader of the black knights walked towards her."When all the preparations are complete proceed to the next step, distribution."

Swinging his arm behind him causing his cape to flutter lightly. He always did have a flair for the dramatic. Pausing for a moment for dramatic effect he turn and continued.

"Make sure everyone receives a helmet and the proper attire. There is our best chance, we will not let this opportunity slip from our grasp, failing is impossible."

Kallen hesitated a bit before asking her next question.

"Are you sure this is going to work? It seems to have too much risk to even consider this plan"

Lelouch moved elegantly in front of his best pilot, raising his right hand slowly and lightly touching her cheek.

"It will work," his tone giving an air of confidence. "Trust in me , and this miracle will happen!"

The red-haired girl looked him in the eye before answering.

"You know there is large difference between trusting you Lelouch, and trusting Zero"

The dark-haired man gave a light chuckle.

"Still, trust me and I won't let you down. Remember I need you to make sure everyone gets a suit, it's essential"

"'Trust me, trust me', that's what you always say." Kallen sighed. "Then you always give me the hardest job"

"That's because I know I can count on you, your my most dependable soldier, and I'm very proud of you Kallen."

The young man walked towards the door. stopping a few inches in front of it.

"I'll be leaving for Ashford for now then, unless you need me for something else"

In Kallen's mind there was a sudden thought echoed in her head, wanting to be let out.

'Take me with you!' Kallen screamed in her mind, her physical self rather choose a different response.

"Nope, there is nothing else" spoke the pilot. "Have a safe trip."

Lelouch placed the helmet on his head, once more adorning his Zero persona. With a wave of farewell the door opened and he left the room, passing C.C. as she entered. There was an obnoxious all knowing smirk on her face.

* * *

Kallen woke with a sharp gasp of air.

"This can't be healthy" she said, as her mind began placing her thoughts together.

Steadying her breath breath, her mind jumbled as she tried to make sense of her situation, she was in her room again and she was using..."it" again. This scenario she had has been occurring for at least 3 days now, then again it could have been longer or shorter, it was hard to keep track of time these days.

Once she had gained enough conciousness she hid the syringe, it had been hard finding a suitable hiding place for it but she had settled for hiding it in her mattress, at the bottom side she had slit a small hole using her purse knife, hiding a small storage of refrain there.

Sitting at the edge of her bed now, she began to lay back, her head hitting touching the pillow, this was tiring a she tried to get a quick sleep. The nap didn't last long though as Kallen was disturbed by the sound of her front door opening and closing, odds are it was her mother coming back from work, the sound of the woman greeting her home confirmed this.

As the custom Kallen prepared to greet her, mustering her energy to get up, she used her will to try to show her mother some hospitality. Putting her best face she could she greeted her mother in what she hoped was a cheery voice. Judging from her mother's expression she wasn't as successful as she had hoped, none the less it was best that she try to put up the façade a little longer.

"Kallen, dear, is there something bothering you?" the tone was curious, as if baiting her.

Kallen was determined to keep her latest activity discreet, but maybe it would be harder to fool someone who had past experience with the drug.

"No, nothing at all mother," the daughter of the house quickly spoke. "What would ever give you that idea?"

The older woman gave her daughter a quick look up and down.

"Well, you seem to be more nervous than usual and your slightly out of breath, your hair seems a bit messed up as well"

Her motherly instincts had not dulled in the time of her away, still Kallen would have prefered it if they weren't so astute at this very moment, but at the matter at hand she had to think of a quick excuse.

"Well, I had to do something for...the Black Knights. They needed me for a quick job and I just finished and came home now. It was hard work".

The older women face was impassive.

"I see, that makes sense, so what was your job about?"

"It's um...classified, so I can't tell you, sorry"

Kallen gave a reassuring smile. or as close to one that was currently possible.

"Well that's fair enough," the mother giving a look of concern. "Still I would have preferred if you had chosen a safer life, I know it's your calling but try not to overwork yourself okay"

"Okay, mother, I'll be fine".

The young pilot felt a little easier, the crisis was averted for now, still she found a hint of sorrow lying to her mother again, but it was better this way if her mother found out about the refrain...well it was better not to think about it.

Kallen ascended to her room after she had joined her mother with a meal, while the women in question had decided to amuse herself with the television for a little while. The red-haired girl collapsed on her bed, face first, hoping to find some rest for a while. Unable to find a comfortable position though, she rolled over and sat up, what now? She couldn't indulge her latest hobby with her mother so close by, she needed to find something else.

Scanning the room she focused on the one item in the room that had the most value to her, the photo of the man she greatly admired, Lelouch Lamperouge. Kallen stared at the picture for the moment, not sure how to go on about this but finally finding the silence a bit awkward, she decided she would initiate the conversation once again.

"Hey," Kallen attempted as a casual greeting. "So how have you been lately?"

"As for me, things have been...different lately"

The red-haired girl got up and walked slowly towards the picture.

"Just to be clear, this is all your fault you know!" she sighed deep. "Well at least, that's what I would like to say, but I can't really blame you for it, I can't blame you for anything at all can I? Well in that case I can at least blame everything on Tamaki"

"You know when I started this I didn't know what to expect, I still don't, everytime I do it I lose control and I can see you, for a moment I can believe your there, I can believe I see you each day, that your right beside me, to tell me I'm your Q-1!"

"I won't lie and say everything worked out, I can feel my body isn't as lenient lately, that much is obvious. I don't want to have any regrets about this so I won't, I have made up my mind not to regret this path I am on"

Kallen removed the photo from the wall, gently caressing it in her hand.

"Soon I don't think I'll be able to go back, you said before I could quit anytime I wanted, that's just it, I don't want to quit, right now, I don't think I ever will."

The young girl jumped back onto her bed making sure not to damage the image, she raised the photo above her head, gazing at it in front of her face.

"Every time I do it, there is always one thought that drives me, do you know what that thought is?"

"Well since it's you, you probably already know, but just in case you don't, I will tell you anyway"

"Lelouch, I want to see you again"

* * *

It was early in the morning, perhaps a little to early. Kallen rose from her bed, a slight case of insomnia left her with not much rest last night. The first thing she noticed was her beloved photograph of Lelouch beside her.

"Morning" the red-haired girl yawned.

As might the prospect of staying yet another full day at home might appeal to her she still had school to go to from time to time. She had risen from her slumber earlier than she needed too and therefore she found herself with a small bit of free time, she might even use it to leisurly enjoy her breakfast.

As the young girl arrived in her kitchen she was graced by the uncomman event of seeing her mother enjoying her morning meal, usually Kallen would either be to in a rush leaving for school or her mother had already left for her job.

"Good morning"

They gave each other a greeting as Kallen reached out as grabbed what free sustenance she could find, today was a rare chance for them to enjoy each others company over breakfast, they started with the topic of Kallen's Academy days, nothing special, mostly the antics of the student council, from there it went to the girl's social life.

"By the way," Kallen's mother said in a curious tone. "Who were you talking too last night?"

"Huh?" the younger gasped, not entirely sure how to respond to that.

"The person you were talking to on your phone," the older woman raised an eyebrow while displaying a all-knowing smile. "Unless you were talking to yourself which I doubt"

"Mother, you were listening to me?"

Kallen was still a bit shocked at this revelation, her mother however treated the situation as a small bit of humor before she had to leave for her job.

"No, well okay, yes, but I promise, I only heard a little before I left, it was only a small accident at most, but anyway on to my question"

The younger woman decided to accept what her mother just said as the truth and depending on how much she heard Kallen could play it off, from what she could tell her mother didn't seem to know who she was talking too.

"It was just a friend, mother. He just called for a casual chat."

"From what I heard it was a bit more than casual"

"Mother, please"

"I'm just kidding with you, still though, you are a young healthy woman and I respect you to make your own responsible decisions"

"Wait, what? What are you implying Mother?"

"Oh nothing, I'm just joking, I promise you, anyway it's about time I had to leave, I don't want to be late for work"

Kallen's mother got up from the table, gathering all the she needed and made way for the door.

"Well, I'm hoping that was all a joke, bye mother."

"Bye, dear. Oh, and Kallen you should invite your friend over sometime, I would really like to meet him"

And before Kallen could respond the woman had left the dwelling. Quickly closing the door behind her.

'Ah, youth' a passing thought as she left for her job.

Back inside Kallen felt a bit aggravated at her mother's remark, calming down a bit, she decided to let it pass considering it was rare to see her mother so upbeat. The young girl was left at home by herself, unfortunately the hour of school is drawing closer and she still has not changed into her academy uniform. Post reaching her room she put on the correct clothes.

'School is really tedious lately' Kallen mused. 'I would stay home but I don't need anybody suspecting anything.'

'I just need to act normal, like everythings fine, it's just for a few hours anyway, heh, how ironic, even after my adventure I'm back to putting on a mask in front of my classmates'

'Somehow it is a bit depressing, well no use delaying it, time to go'

Turning through her room the red-haired girl turned her head to the collection of photos on the wall. The most important was missing, oh, that's right, earlier she had placed in on her bed-side table.

Moving her blue-eyes towards the side of her bed, she came upon the item mentioned, picking it up and smiling at the photo, she made her way to placing it back on the wall until struck by a feeling of want.

'Well, why not?' she thought as she slipped the photo into her breast pocket. 'I could use some extra comfort for the day'

* * *

As Kallen made her way to her first period, she was greeted by her fellow students, waving back at them she couldn't help but think they were a tad more irritating than normal, brushing that aside for the moment, an especially loud person made his appearance, the very ecstatic and jovial vice-president Gino.

"Kallen, I'm glad to see your back, I've missed you these pass few days, how have you been?"

The knight of round was overzealous yet he still was concerned about his fellow school council member.

"I'm fine, I just caught a small cold." Kallen answered walking past Gino and not making eye contact.

The girl opted to keep her reply short and tried to avoid a long conversation, Gino did not seem to catch on to this however and turned to follow her.

"It was so agonizing not being able to see you every day, by your absence I thought that you might be off with the Black Knights, I was worried when you never answered my calls"

"I see, sorry, I was too tired to respond"

Well that was sort of true depending on the context, Gino wasn't a very high priority on her call list lately. The young man placed his hand to his chin, seemingly contemplating something.

"Oh is that so, well then I'm glad your feeling better," Gino returned to his happy radiant self. "When your fully recovered, I'm looking forward to seeing your bright smile as you head off to class again"

Kallen didn't recall the last part but she gave a look of reassurance and nodded her head. Gino seemed satisfied enough and continued.

"Say, after the student council meeting today, how about we go to the new diner together and I can fill you in on all the things you've missed."

"Eh, sorry, I already have plans but thanks for the offer. Anyway I really should go, almost time for class and I don't want to be late when I just came back."

Kallen hurried along, increasing her pace while the knight of round watched on, he wondered if he should remind her that they both attend the same class.

* * *

With the day slowly dragging on Kallen found every minute tedious, the endless teachers lectures were even more pain-staking than usual. How she wanted it to end. How she wanted to go home and...use that thing. Her only comfort was the picture in her pocket.

As the time slowing passing, the young girl found herself sitting in the student council meeting, certain people had been very persistent that she attend, and being unable to find a viable excuse she had no choice but to intend.

"So it's decided then," Rivalz announced. "The campus festival theme will be a campus wide laser tag battle with the loser penalty being forced to wear a maid outfit"

"Well I was hoping for something more extravagant but since were so stripped for time and the alternative being hide and seek."

Of the council the most excited person of this was Gino, who was already eager to share his wide expertise on laser battles.

Kallen was just waiting for the meeting to end, she willing approve anything to make the meeting end faster.

Proceeding with the work distribution Kallen along with Gino had been tasked with managing supplies.

With all the details sorted out, the student council decided to dismiss for the day. Grabbing her belongings, Kallen was already leaving. The long wait was almost over she could go home now and use the drug once more before her mother came home. As she reached the door, she pulled out the photo.

'It won't be long now' she thought as she looked at the picture.

"Kallen!"

A sudden shout came from behind her, in a quick shock she turned to find the vice student council president running towards her. Thinking quickly she hid the photo behind her back while facing her newest obstacle in preventing her from going home.

"Yes, Gino? Is there something you need" the red-haired girl still had to at least act civil despite the situation.

"I would like to request if I could walk you home, we could discuss the festival plans for a while"

While he consistency was something to be admired, his timing could use better reinforcement.

"Sorry, I already have plans, remember, I told you earlier"

"Heh, of course. Perhaps you are free another day, after all there is a lot of work that requires our approval"

The responsibilities of the student council was indeed overwhelming, especially during festival time, still the young girl wasn't really willing to part with that much of her free time when she could be doing something more satisfying.

"Now that you mention it, I suppose your right, but you see, I'm kind of busy the next few days, so could you handle most of the work, please, you'd be doing me a big favor."

The knight of round seemed a bit dissapionted the request but something else was bothering him, Kallen usually would not be that vague and would usually tackle council duties in a more energetic way. Pausing for a second while considering the details, he decided to conclude the worst case scenario.

"Kallen are you angry at me?" the vice-president asked, lowering his voice for a more serious tone. "Did I do something wrong? You've been awfully distant to me lately."

"Huh? What fo you mean? Of course not, I've just been under the weather a bit"

Where did that come from? She might have been a little more distant with him currently, still she was a little more distant with everyone as well, the ratio should still be more or less the same between him and the other students.

"Really?" Gino still needed to be reassured a bit more.

"Yes, of course, if I was really angry at you I would have made certain you'd know I was!"

'Well thats a relief' Gino thought, his inward anxieties dropped. 'But the mood is a bit awkward now, I need something to distract her'

"So...Ummm "Gino's voiced came out a little uneasy."What are you hiding behind your back?"

"Ummm...oh nothing at all, at least nothing that has to do with you"

The red-haired girl was perturbed that he noticed but she needed to keep him oblivious to the photo, so many things could go wrong if this person found out. From Gino's perspective the girl seemed maybe embarrassed but either way if was enough to distract her from the awkward moment a few seconds ago.

"It's something secret, isn't it" Gino said, his energetic, persistent, stubborn self emerging. "Come on, show me, I can keep a secret"

The young man tried some primalistic persuasion techniques, such as trying to use his hands to grab it. This more than irked Kallen however.

"I said it has nothing to do with you! Now get off!"

Gino was too determined to fall back now, to him he was just being playful as he was towards Rivalz in their friendship. His next try spotting the backside of the concealed photo, the other side hidden from view.

"Sure, as soon as my curiosity is satisfied and I can get a peek of the what your hiding"

The girl was tempted to use her full force against him however that wouldn't help her with her festival problems to much.

Their squabble escalated as Gino managed to get closer to the picture, clearly caught up in the moment. Kallen patience was already stretched thin. this game wasn't something she wanted to put up with.

While the knight of round was unsuccessful at getting the photo he did momentarily manage to get her to let go of it for a second letting it fall face-down on the floor.

"Ah hah," he smiled triumphant, directing his focus at the item.

It was at this moment that Gino left himself vulnerable, as his attention misplaced, he was unprepared or not even expecting Kallen's counter-attack.

In a panic the young girl's attack consisted of using her right leg offensively, delivering a fast kick towards the vice-presidents nether regions.

With the attack successful, Gino temporally disabled, the red-haired girl quickly stashed the photo on her person. How did the situation become so stressful anyway?

Now that she had calmed down a bit, perhaps she acted a tad too rashly. She hurriedly mumbled a sorry to Gino who was nursing his wound, quickly reassuring him it was an accident, and that she could properly apologize tomorrow but for now she had to go. The days events were very taxing on her.

Not wanting to put up anymore to put up with anymore delays Kallen left the building in an accelerated pace.


	5. Chapter 5

"Really, what am I doing here?"

Kallen, sitting upon the rooftops of Ashford Academy, gazed upwards at her outstretched hand, studying the contrast between her hand and the greyish white of the overcast above her.

'I'm here because I need to keep appearances at school'

A constant breeze blowing through her hair as she looked down at the ground below her, her classmates running across the grass field like eager children, they were loud, energetic and full of life.

The day before seemed so vague, in that time, she had returned to the academy only to injure one of her friends, she would have to apologize properly later if she could muster the will to find him, after that she had returned home, eager to enjoy her latess hobby.

'Gym class seems pointless'

This particular student had decedided to skip gym, what was the point, she was already the most fit person on campus, countless school events had attested to that, no one could doubt how strong she was seeing as how easily she beat outsped, over powered and outmaneuvered them all in the last academy event several weeks ago. That was the reasoning, however her heart not ready to face those people was reality.

'Still I should be down there to, that was the point, right?'

'So why am I here?'

...

"Where should I be?"

'I should be with be with my classmates showing them how to run, that sounds about right'

Lifting her head slightly and facing the horizon, it looked like the weather would get worse later judging from the clouds.

'I should go down there and make my classmates see how unfit and pathetic they really are'

...

The idea sounded funny now that she thought about it.

'No that doesn't seem to be right, I should be home, in my room enjoying my time, is that it?'

'I should be using refrain to be beside Zero's side again, his bodyguard and his loyalist soldier'

'If it wasn't for these school regulations I should be...hhmmmf'

'No, that can't be right, that can't be right at all!'

'Then where should I be? This place doesn't seem right, maybe I should be working in the Black Knights now, piloting my Guren to uphold justice in the world!'

...

'Nope, that sounded stupid'

...

'Where should I really be? Ah, that should be obvious, I should be where I want to be right?'

'So I should be in the world of refrain then, that's the place I was happiest, that's where I want to be after all'

'No...'

Sometimes the simplest of questions were the hardest to answer, maybe that was because there are no limitations to answers like that.

'The place I should truly be? I see, there is only one answer that is correct right now. The answer is...'

"The place I should truly be is here! On the roof of Ashford Academy while skipping gym"

'That was right, but something was missing? What was it, oh it's the same old thing, 'he' should be here, yeah. 'He' should be right next to me, saying something pointless and playfully teasing me after he somehow got me to skip gym with 'him'. and that we would both be living a carefree life here'

Thinking back there was a lot of things that should have happened.

'Isn't that the way the world should be? 'He' had given his life to create this world, so shouldn't 'he' be here to enjoy it, shouldn't it be me next to him, after all, I should have stood beside when no one else would. When the black knights betrayed 'him' I should have defended 'him' with all my soul. While 'he' made peacful world I should have been beside 'him' as 'his' most trusted ally as they worked out a way to save the world without 'him' dying. That after the world was saved 'he' should have returned to Ashford Academy beside me!'

"Yes, that's the how the world 'should' have been!"

'And yet here, I am pathetically talking to myself on the roof of this stupid place'

"..."

'Well that settles it, after my next class I think I'll go home, I really need a shot of refrain right now'

The red-haired girl turned her head downwards again, watching the students of Ashford Academy running down below while laughing a bit at herself.

"Wouldn't it be nice if this was the hallucination and in reality I'm just dreaming peacefully on the couch of Zero's room."

* * *

While Kallen was leaving she had a nagging feeling she had forgot something, not really sure what it was, a few seconds contemplation she remembered, she still had to apologise to Gino for yesterday, then again it wasn't important anyway, she could just apologise another time, it wasn't as if a day or two would matter, besides she wasn't even sure the knight had even arrived to school today.

'Well that excuse will have to be enough to satisfy my conscious enough for now at least'

She could leave the academy in a few minutes with her mind more at ease, as long as anything unexpected doesn't happen, as she rushed through the passages of the central building, the girl considered it would be best to avoid attention as she left the campus, with that in mind she would head to a place that her fellow students were forbidden, such as the private meeting house for the student council. Once there she could then detour out of one of the many windows and leave the academy before anyone was aware she was gone. It would have all gone smoothly too if she didn't cross paths with the person she least liked to see right now, Gino.

The tension in the air was irksome as Kallen found the most sought after male at Ashford Acdemy lounging in the building reserved for the student council, come to think of it he was currently the vice-president after all. The red-haired girl considered ignoring him and march out a window as planned, the thought was really appealing to her, still now that this person was here she might as well leave a slight apology before leaving or her conscious would bother her about it later.

Gino sat on the arm chair comfortably at ease, amusing himself while reading his latest love letter from an anonymous girl from school, that was until he took note of his sudden company, with the sudden unease in the room, the blond boy thought about his options, perhaps he acted to rashly the previous day and caught her at a bad time, in any case Gino decided to pretend that incident never happened for now.

"Hi Kallan, need a break from class as well?" Gino spoke feigning his normal go-lucky voice, for his part he did it quite well, indistinguishable from the real thing.

The girl was surprised at the tone but from the man's body language recognized what the knight was doing, normally she would indulge the act letting the charade go on for some time, however she didn't want to that now, time was a luxury she didn't want to waste at the moment. She would have to be short and abrupt.

"Listen Gino, I want to talk about yesterday" while the meaning to apologise her tone didn't seem to show that, some of it came out with a bit of today's irritation.

"Eh, yeah about that" Gino quickly stuttered, alarmed that the girl had gone straight to the point. "It was all my fault, I didn't know what came over me, please forgive me"

The knight of round quickly switched to a more humbled approach. Why not? He didn't want to anger her again, especially since how much physically stronger she had proved she was at a previous academy event.

"Umm, well okay then," Kallen was a little confused that he was asking for forgiveness, after all she had struck him, but quickly reminding herself she was doing this to amend her own guilt, turning to face the man she continued.

"Look I guess it was sort of my fault as well, so I'd like to say I'm sorry and that we never mention what happened to anyone or ever again."

Well, so it wasn't the apology of the year, it was the thought that counted after all, although that thought was quickly changing toward more current goals, Gino seemed satisfied enough as he smiled and turned his head slightly to give off one of his overly dramatic poses.

"That's fine then, everybody makes mistakes sometimes," The vice-president tried to sound as reassuring as possible. "So anyway I know your really busy lately, but what do you say we spend the break period together finishing the festival preparations."

Gino was always willing to change into his role of a gracious host, completely unaware that his company had already left as soon as she heard the word "fine".

Suddenly realizing he was sitting alone in the room, without even noticing where or how the girl had gone off too, Gino sighed and went back to reading his letter, noting that the activity slightly less amusing than it was five minutes ago.

* * *

The walk home was tedious as ever, as Kallen took the time to marvel on how much the scenery had changed from how it was before, new shops, buildings and restaurants, built on the ruins of the old demolished area. It was like only yesterday that that the place was Area 11, actually for Kallen it had been only a few hours ago since she saw the old area, refrain really makes it hard to forget how this place had been.

The people here now seemed much happier in general since those times, back then status determined everything, from how you were treated to your career, it sure was a contrast to today. It was like the suffering of Japanese people had never happened and they were all enjoying everyday life.

'It must be nice' Kallen's thoughts rose inside her. 'These people don't even have an idea what everyone sacrificed to help them attain this peace'.

While most of these people had suffered, it was whole different story between suffering in silence and suffering on the front-lines. The things people see during that time really change one's perspective.

'I wonder how my life would be right now if I didn't depend on that thing'

The girl touched her head with one of her fingers while considering the possibilities.

'I'd probably just be doing the same things before I used it, come to think of it I would just be going to school each day. then going home to mourn, working with the Black Knights from time to time, that was everyday life for me wasn't it.'

'You know, if I put it like that didn't my life seem kind of redundant, each day I grieve a little, I hardly ever truly feel happy after the requiem happened.'

The girl moved her right hand toward her left arm, softly stroking the place where she injected herself each day.

'So isn't my life better this way, I can find joy everyday instead of slowing living through an empty misery all the time.

'These days the only happiness I see is through refrain, even if I stopped now I don't see how I can go on living without seeing Lelouch everyday.'

* * *

Kallen was sitting in a chair in a familiar room, from what she could tell she was back to where she was earlier today, Ashford Academy, she suddenly noticed she wasn't alone, sitting next to her was a girl, someone she hasn't seen in ages.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, I just want to be completely sure that there is nothing going on between you and Lulu" spoke the bubbly enthusiastic Shirley Fenette.

'Where am I now?' As soon as she thought that, Kallen's mind quickly reminded herself where she was.

It was the day that the Ashford Student Council was making trial cakes for their next school event. They had split into two teams, Mily, Nina and Rivalz formed Team A, while Shirley, Kallen and Lelouch formed Team B. Both teams were currently trying to outdo each other by making a superior cake, each using a different kitchens.

As a group Team B didn't have much good results, the cookware still seemed to have a grudge against the girls, any attempt to help lead to more trouble than it was worth, the only course of action possible now was to let Lelouch do all the work Without anything to do the two girls had no choice but to leave the room and wait for current vice-president to finish the cake.

"No, there is definately nothing between me and Lelouch!" Kallen's body answered exasperated, clearly unaware of her true feelings in her head right now.

"Okay, it's just that you both seem to be absent at the same time a lot lately" Shirley was pressuring for some answers, it would seem that a simple "no" wouldn't fully convince her.

Kallen's mind watched on, finding it amusing how different she was before she knew the true identity of Zero.

"I just had a small medical problem then, I didn't even see Lelouch those days"

Shirley began to relax more since her feelings were more at ease now.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a little worried, if he misses to much classes even he wouldn't be able to catch up soon."

A faint blush appeared on Shirley's cheek as she turned quickly to the side, apparently taking a sudden interest outside the window, with her hands shuffling together it wasn't hard to figure what she was thinking about.

"Frankly I wonder why you bother," Kallen spoke her opinian. "I can't think of any reason why anybody would ever like that guy."

Kallen's mind and Shirley were very suprised at that statement, Shirley franticly started listing Lelouche's good points, while inside Kallen's head an even longer list was shouting at maximum volume.

"Alright, alright, he is great, I get it, still when I see his obnoxious face he seems so apathetic sometimes."

'That's because I never actually knew how wonderful he was back then'

Before Shirley could respond, a call from the kitchen announced that the cake was done, temporary putting aside their conversation, both girl's left for the kitchen to see how their chances against Milly's team fared.

From the looks of things the stood a pretty decent chance. The cake was impressive, with it's appearance it wouldn't look out of place in one of those fancy cake shops. Even Lelouch appeared to be satisfied with his latest creation.

"Wow, Lulu, a job well done!"

Kallen had to agree as well, still though the true test was in the taste, a fancy look didn't mean that was all to it.

"So then why don't you taste it," Lelouch was certainly confident it would meet everyone's expectations. "We might as well have a piece so long, the dead line is still several minutes away and there should be plenty left over, just be careful not to get burned, it's still hot after all."

Lelouch brought out three plates, carefully cutting the cake and dividing it between himself and his team.

"Now don't overexert yourself when you first taste it, you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings after I worked so hard to make it"

Kallen wasn't sure to take that comment seriously or not, either way she was about to eat a piece of one of Lelouch's home made cakes, using a fork she gently broke off a piece and slowly rose it to her mouth.

* * *

The sudden ringing from her phone rose Kallen from her stupor.

"My cake..." the red-haired girl gave a quick sob, understandably angry at the bad timing.

The girl felt tired, drained and disoriented, yet still mustered enough anger to check the caller ID.

"Tamaki!" Kallen yelled into her phone as furious and coherently possible.

"Hey" came the jubilant response from the phone. "You sound angry Kallen, did I perhaps get you at a bad time?"

"You just ruined my cake!"

"Cake?" Tamaki was confused, not fully understanding how a phone call could ruin someone's cake.

It was just then that Kallen realized her position, she had let her emotions take over for a second making her answer the phone, her head was still a bit hazy to fully comprehend anything, still now that she answered the call, she had to try to maintain a healthy facade for the moment.

"It's nothing you have to worry about, so what do you want?" With the sudden anger gone the girl's voice sort of dragged on.

Tamaki didn't to catch on to this and proceeded on as normal.

"Well you see, the other day I-"

"Just get to the point Tamaki"

Well Tamaki did want to go for a bit more, but even he sensed it might not be the best time to do that.

"I need your help again, I can explain, the oth-"

"Fine" Kallen was trying to stick to small responses.

"What?"

"I said "fine", I'll help"

"Thats nice of you, I need you too-"

"Not now Tamaki, give me the details later, I have to go now."

"Okay, but wha-"

The young girl disconnected her phone and let it drop to the floor, this wasn't the time to deal with Tamaki's foolish antics. She felt some of that anger returning, she really wanted to taste that cake again.

"Stupid Tamaki, always messing up everything."

She reholstered a refrain needle, bringing it to her arm.

"I just wanted to have cake with him"

Kallen then shot the needle into her arm, the second she did, something occurred to her, normally she would wait a while to recover before administering another, putting this one in this prematurely might not have been best, her anger distracted her long enough to make this mistake.

Tamaki really had a special way of messing things up.

'Damn you Ta-ma-'

* * *

Kallen suddenly found herself leading Zero out of his quarters towards the lift. Not a word was spoken so far, but the mood was defiantly somber.

'Where am I this time' the red-haired girl's thoughts bubbled up slowly. 'This seems familiar but I can't place it just yet...'

The two silently entered the elevator the mood was slightly off.

'What was my orders again? I was ordered by Ohgi to escort Zero to the hang...'

'Oh'

The metal box started slowly descending.

'NO!'

Suddenly alarm bells were ringing in the girls mind, they were piercing, constant and sharp. As the full details entered her mind, in a panic Kallens first response was denial.

'This can't be! This can't happening! This is just a dream right!'

While true it was a dream, this fact seemed to pass over the girl's head at the moment.

'This isn't how it's supposed to be! IT's not supposed to end this way! I have to do something, ANYTHING!'

Kallen's body still wasn't responding to her mind, even if it did she didn't know what exactly to do.

'I need to warn him! I Need to tell him quickly! Shit,why won't my body work!'

Kallen's mind screamed and yelled in the confines of her head.

'Please! Lelouch! Get away! Tell him...Tell him to get away Kallen! TELL HIM!'

Kallen voice suddenly spoke out, but it wasn't the words she wanted to say, instead she started a conversation about her brother."

'NO! This isn't the time for that, not now! Tell him later! Get him out of here NOW!'

Despite her pleas and begging the scenario still played according to script.

The Black Knights accused Zero of betrayal and raised their weapons at him.

'This is...! I can't do this! I don't want to relive this again! I can't!'

Lelouch took off his helmet, even in his last moments he couldn't give up his love of theatrics.

'No!'

Soon the part where she left him was coming closer, the part where she betrayed him as well, her life's regret, the thing she never wanted to face again.

'I can't go on like this! I won't go on like this! Please don't make this happen! I'll do anything!'

Kallen was running out of time, her mind thrashed and buckled, was there anything she could do? The time came too quick, in less than a few seconds, she would leave the man she loved for dead.

'This isn't right! This isn't justice! I won't accept this! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS!'

'I will bust out this steel cage of my mind and CRUSH THIS FATE!'

Now was the moment when she left, she would take her first step away and the Black Knights would open fire.

Kallen raised her first foot forward...

"NO!"

Kallen's voice rang out echoing in the large room. Had she done it? Was she able to move her body?

"NO!" the girl yelled again, just to make sure.

It was true she could move her body, she could move under her own will, even saying that she couldn't ignore the situation that she was in. Turning her head to look at the man behind her, she saw the shocked look on his face.

"I WON'T ABANDON YOU LELOUCH! I WILL NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!"


	6. Chapter 6

"I WON'T ABANDON YOU LELOUCH! I WILL NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!"

The atmosphere in the room was silent, nobody moved, hesitating while they tried to grasp the situation.

Then moment of silence was then broken.

"Kallen! What are you doing? Move out of the way!" shouted a familiar voice, it belonged to her the girl's friend Ohgi.

"Never! I refuse, I will not let it end like this, as long as I still live I will protect him!"

Ohgi face was conflicted, lowering his voice into a calm tone, he tried reasoning with the pilot.

"Listen to me, Kallen, that man is not who you think he is, he has been using us a pawn in his twisted game, I'm going to ask you to trust me on this, as your brother's best friend, please step aside"

The red-haired girl glared at Ohgi, how dare he bring her brother into this, as she was about to angrily retort she felt a hand gently touch her back. Lelouch regained enough composure as he spoke in a soft monotone voice, not betraying any emotion.

"Q-1, , my life has no meaning to me anymore anyway, go on, their is no piont dying here for no reason."

Kallen felt her tears coming to surface, but it wasn't time to surrender to her emotions and embrace him, she had to content herself with whispering a few words at least.

"Lelouch, I'm sorry things turned out like this, even so I want to keep you alive a little longer, so please forgive my selfish refusal of your orders this one time."

The red-haired turn her attention back her former allies in front of her, ready to shout her rage more than ever.

"You know there is a lot of things I want to say to all of you, Betrayers! I may not have time to say it all right now but if this what Japan's greatest heros, The Black Knights, have become...there is truly no point liberating a country where they honor such pathetic idiots! I WILL NOT MOVE!"

She didn't mean the insult to Jaapn, but what mattered was that the emotion and defiance came out clear.

Ohgi saddly stared at the scene before him, but now that it has come to this, he could not hesitate, focusing the anger to the man Kallen was protecting.

"You've really done if haven't you, fallen prince Lelouch vi Britannia, you've used your geass to subjugate her completely."

"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" came the cry of the Black Knights most decorated janitor Tamaki, he shot a bullet up into the rafters to make his point before returning his aim to Lelouch. "Damn it Zero, I thought you were our friend, but you will just stripping us of our will, I can't believe I had so much faith in you, you bastard! Your not a hero, your nothing but traitorOUs scu-"

"Shut up Tamaki" came the ace pilot's scream. "I will not allow you to call our savior in disrepect, when it's people like you that should just die! You are the traitors here, betraying the world's best hope"

Tamaki gasped, his face was contorted in agony, as though he was thinking of a proper comeback, Ohgi denied his chance however as he once again took the lead in this conversation.

"Kallen, if your real self can hear me. for whats it worth, I'm really sorry it has to end this way, this is your last chance to move, what do you say"

Kallen snickered at Ohgi, was he really serious.

"No, I would rather die, than leave Lelouch! Without him there is no future that I want to be part of."

Ohgi grimaced but signaled the others in the room.

"Fine then. Everyone! Open Fire!"

The sound of loud gunshots echoed up to the rafters above.

* * *

The young girl woke up with a start, trying to steady her breathing, her body covered in sweat.

'Had that really happened?'

Maybe, looking around, she was back in her room, it was the drug after all, it wasn't real.

But so what in that little time she had felt more alive than she had in a long time, she had managed to move freely in her own vision. Okay, so it still ended quite badly, but that small taste of being able to defy fate was so enticing.

She thought about how she had been able to do it, maybe she could do it again. What caused the feat that enabled her to break that reality. Was it the extra touch of refrain, was it the desperation of the moment, was it the unrelenting desire boiling in her blood?

It felt exhilarating, Kallen felt that she could get up and jump for joy...oh wait, she couldn't, her body wasn't responding fully, she felt herself imobile for the moment, not having much choice but to stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, her body would slowly recover the power to move in the next several minutes.

Maybe when she could move her arm she could give herself another shot straight away, no that wouldn't work, her mother would be home in a hour or two, not enough time. hopefully she would still be able to feign somewhat healthy appearance when her mother arrived, if not she could just close the door and state she was tired and hope the older woman wouldn't get suspicious.

But just imagine, the potential to change something in your memories, still it was just a fantasy, a small story to cope with the truth, but did that matter? Home is where the heart is, and the girl's heart was definitely there, it certainly was better living in this reality.

* * *

Rivalz was currently working hard busy with paperwork and a lot of it at that. The preparations for the festival were adequate enough but new forms that needed to be approved arrived faster than he could fill them in, he wondered how Milly had ever made this look easy and so quick as well, even as time serving under her he had never suspected that it was this much work.

The president of the student council was working alone in the council room, he thought maybe delegate this work to an underling to give himself some free time but it seemed members of his council seemed to take time off without notice and he couldn't afford a delay right now.

Rivalz wondered where his vice-president was, probably charming some girl somewhere instead of helping him out of this dilemma, Kallen had been taking a lot of days off too, but thinking about it he couldn't really blame her, she was a Black Knight and was probably enforcing justice somewhere.

* * *

Kallen was running through the narrow corridors of the ship, stopping at every corner to make sure it was safe enough, behind her followed Lelouch dressed in a regular Black Knight uniform at Kallen's insistence.

Earlier Kallen had rushed toward's Zero's quarters, finding the man in a bit of emotional turmoil, however she didn't have time to be concerned about his mental health for the moment, right now now she had to save him first.

"Zero! This is important! We need to leave the she ship right now!" the pilot shouted erratically. "The Black Knights are going to betray you! We need to leave!"

Lelouch in his depressed state, stared at the sudden intrusion confusingly.

"Q-1, calm down, now explain the situation properly"

"Listen Lelouch, we don't have much time for this!" Kallen threw her spare Black Knight uniform at him. "Change into this quickly, I'll explain what I can"

While the leader of the Black Knights was even more questioning by the sudden act, he decided to comply for now.

"Lelouch, the Black Knights found out who you are! The real you! Prince vi Britannia you! Schneizel tipped them off! We need to get you out of her before they kill you!"

"I see, that's...a real shame," for his part Lelouch seemed to be taking this rather calmly. "Kallen, look, Nunnaly is gone, it doesn't matter now if-"

"I don't care about Nunally right now!" the red-haired quickly shouted, realizing then that maybe that wasn't the best choice of words to persuade with. Relenting a bit more she tried again.

"Look, Lelouch, it's not confrimed that she is dead, there is still a chance that Nunnally is alive, I believe that she is alive and I know that you want to believe she is alive too, so for that belief to come true, we need hope, your hope! If there is chance to help her, however small, you need to be alive to realize it!"

The fallen prince looked astounded by his ace's words, she was right though, these days miracles seemed to happen quite frequently, he just needed some resolve to make them happen. Still there was alot more to worry about now, he looked at the face of the captain of his Zero Squad, observing her eyes he could see her determination.

"Q-1...ugh, Kallen, you do realize if you help me escape you will have to go against your friends, even Ohgi, perhaps we should separate fro-"

Lelouch's speech was cut off by Kallen's finger pressing against his lips.

"Thats not an option Lelouch, I will stand beside you! It doesn't matter if Ohgi, the Black Knights, even Japan are my opponents!"

"Kallen, are you absolutely sure about this? This is the piont of no return, if we escape together you probably won't be able to see them again, at worst they will probably see you as an enemy."

The girl refused to let her loyalty falter at these insignificant details.

"That doesn't matter, my future is with you now, from the moment I came back here I was prepared to have the whole world as my enemy to protect you, that is what you mean to me now!"

The leader of the Black Knights smirked, there was just no use reasoning with her.

"Alright then. Let's go."

And here they were, weaving through the passages, trying to get off the ship, the plan was simple, the would go to the lower decks and use the Guren to escape, as long as Lelouch wore a Black Knight uniform and was accompanied by Kallen to vouch for him they could avoid any trouble from onlookers provided they didn't meet anyone significantly important.

Unforunatly that significantly important person turned out to be Todoh, he came in through the next corridor, seemingly lost in thought, he was also wearing some sort of head protection. What would be the best solution, maybe if they were lucky he wouldn't notice them.

"Kōzuki, may I speak to you in private for a moment," Todoh suddenly said, obviously not as lost in his thoughts than he seemed. "There are some things I want to confirm with you"

The girl stood silently for a second, considering her options, she could not afford to leave her charge alone, she doubted she could take the man on with force and remain unscathed, a refusal seemed best.

"I'm sorry I can't right now Todoh, I'm escorting a friend of mine to the medical wing" the female pilot said, while pulling her friend by the arm behind her, while her friend decided to aviod making any movements that would attract any attention.

"I understand Miss Kōzuki, but I'm afraid I must insist, this matter cannot be delayed"

Kallen tried to casually move her hand to her weapon, hopefully she wouldn't need it but the scenario wasn't really favoring the right now.

"Well if it's that dire, please wait for me at my room, I'll be right there as soon as I take this guy to a doctor."

Hopefully that answer would satisfy Todoh.

"Rather, would it be possible if I could accompany you to the medical ward, it'll save time, it's quite urgent after all."

As expected with someone formerly in the Liberation Front, he sure was persistent. Kallen was running out of options fast, it didn't help that the officer now seemed to turn his attention to the guy trying to hide behind her.

Todoh suddenly took a step back, staring at the younger man's features behind Kallen. The girl's choices were severely limited now, but she had to do something to stop the worst foreseeable outcome.

"Wait a moment! Aren't you-"

A loud bang was heard followed with a soft thud.

Kallen had her gun out, that moment she had to do something drastic while the officer was occupied, she couldn't let someone like Todoh know Lelouch was here, there wasn't much else she could to stop him, seeing him distacted for a second gave her her only chance, sure, the decision was hasty, but she had to stop the situation before it escalated to their disadvantage.

Todoh lied there unmoving, while his blood coming from his head was slowly smothering the floor. Kallen couldn't afford to hesitate even to spare the life of her former comrade, there was far more important objectives to accomplish, she had made her decision that any affection for the rest of the Black Knights would not interfere, she would do what needed to be done. She would definetly not worth the risk of Lelouch's safety for a moments mercy.

The sound of the gunshot alarmed surrounding people, most of them fleeing or hiding in confusion, but a few started fumbling for their fire arms, Kallen aimed shot down any threats with the finesse and accuracy deserving of Zero's personal bodyguard, she had sworn she would protect Lelouch at any cost even if it was against her friends.

"Kallen are you alright?" asked Lelouch clearly worried what this was doing to his bodyguard's mental health.

"Don't worry about me Lelouch," the red-haired girl replied, the vioce contained sorrow but not regret. "I won't allow anybody to take you away form me, it's that simple"

Abondoning the subtle approach to their mission, Kallen and Lelouch switched to a speed orientated method, everything they needed was only a short distance away, the girl spent a moment disabling the door hindering anyone coming to investigate, they would have to make a dash for it now.

* * *

The red-haired girl awoke, her head throbbing with pain, she lacked the energy to do something about it however as she just layed there for the moment. The refrain really put a lot of strain on her mind, but it was worth it, that much and more. Her recent adventures may have caused her a long agonizing headache, but the were also shorter than her previous episodes, she didn't know what other side-effects would happen, but then again did it matter? She got to beside Lelouch's side if only for a moment.

This was the third time she had that episode today, with the shorter visions she had more time to enjoy more shots, it was kind of like a game to her, she could save Lelouch again and again to her hearts content, not that every attampt was as successful than the next one, unfortunately it looked like that would have to be her last shot of the day, she still needed to be mentally stable enough when her mother got home.

One thing about her experience in the past bothered her though, would she really have killed her friends back then if she knew the truth in this reality? Only one thought came to her mind.

'I would do anything to protect him'

* * *

The day was long, Kallen lied resting on top of her bed gently massaging her head, her mother had arrived home post a few hours ago. Her head was still aching, but not enough that it was obvious to expose her secret.

Her thoughts were disturbed by the ringing of the doorbell, she hoped it wasn't another of her ambitous fans. Just after she thought this, her mother loudly informed her that she had a guest. Guess she had no choice but to see who caused the disturbance.

"Hey," greeted Tamaki, raising his right hand as a wave.

Returning the greeting half heartedly, Kallen wondered what brought about this unannounced visit.

"I came here to give you the mission details"

"Mission details?"

"Yeah, you know, the other day you'd said you help with"

The girl could vaguely remember that, bit it sounded familiar enough to be true.

Kallen turned toward the other occupant in the room.

"Mother, could you please give us some privacy for the moment, it's classified information you see"

The older woman complied, Kallen prefered to keep her mother in the dark about her less than mundane activities, there was no need to give her extra worry, especially with Tamaki involved things could be blown way to proportion.

After ensuring that her mother had left and was not within listening distance, she turned her attention back to Tamaki.

"So whats the latest crisis now, Tamaki?"

The crisis was apparently a low-level smuggling operation taking place at the nearest Clovisland, it wasn't categorised as much of a threat but someone had to do the job.

According to reports the suspects, two males routinely managed their wares around midnight near daily in small building in the south east area just inside Clovisland's property.

It wasn't a complicated job, with a few preparations it would be easy, unfortunately Tamaki seemed to be fond of doing their mission tonight.

"What, tonight? You just tell me now and expect me to be ready?"

"Hey, it not as bad as it sounds, you have a few hours to get ready, besides I wanted to tell you earlier over the phone but you cut me off, you see your at fault too, but I forgive you."

"Tamaki, one of these days. Fine, but I don't want my mother to get wind of this, I'll meet you by the north exit of my local park, I'll sneak out just like I used too when she falls asleep".

The man smiled, happy that his friend Kallen was always there to help him with his troubles.

* * *

The senior Black Knight member sat at the meeting piont, on the bench he was sitting on he also had a medium sized bag, it contain field equipment and miscellaneous equipment

Tamaki was eagerly waiting for Kallen's arrival, welcoming her with a pleased look on his face.

"Yo, it's about time you showed up, I was about to go in there and finish the whole thing myself!"

The girl pouted at his bravado, if he could do that in the first place she wouldn't have to be here, besides they still had over forty minutes before the designated time.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm doing you a favor remember, show some appreciation, I don't know why I keep helping you, every time I say never again, then somehow I always end up here"

"Easy now, no need to get upset, not when I got you something to say thank you" The man indicated to his bag shuffling in it for a bit before pulling out a small box.

"It's cake" Tamaki proudly exclaimed. "I know your angry about cake or something the time I called, so take this as a token of thanks, be grateful, I got it from that expensive place in the mall, cost me a fortune for these small two slices. I got a piece for both of us for while we wait"

Kallen wasn't overly impressed with Tamaki's gift, expensive or not it was just cake, deciding there is no point getting hang up on it, she might as well enjoy the moment before the storm.

The two Black Knights ate in silence for the first few minutes, not liking the silent tension in the air, they began with small talk, mostly following Tamaki's latest work problems.

"So how did you get stuck with this solo mission anyway?"

"Well..." Tamaki placed one hand behind his head sheepishly, "Let's say maybe, I'm not really supposed to be doing this mission alone right now."

The girl processed this information, so if he had colleagues for this mission where were they, considering it was Tamaki telling her this she had to probe a bit deeper.

"So where are the others? They get injured or something? Or did they abandon you?"

"Uh, no, there probably back at headquarters or with their families now I think."

There was something odd with the scenario here, Kallen beckon Tamaki to continue, he obliged, he turn his head away looking off into the distance while trying to feign innocence.

"Because they kind of don't know about this specific mission yet or where I am for that matter"

"Tamaki"

"Yes?"

"Explain"

Tamaki let out downward sigh, considering whether or not to give of a truthful answer or try some other charade.

"Kallen, if I tell you can you keep this between us please?" His voice seemed serious with slight taste of depression, that was really unlike him, his companion for the night had to admit that she was a little curious now that he said it like that.

"Fine, alright, I won't tell anyone, but if this some joke of yours, I'm leaving"

The man seemed satisfied by that response, not overwhelmingly satisfied but it was enough.

"Kallen, what would you say if I told you I wasn't as confident as I make myself to be?"

The girl would say that finally reality was catching up to Tamaki, but that might come off a little harsh toward this man, instead she waited for him to go on.

"You probably didn't notice it before, but my track record with the Black Knights...Well, let's say it's not as great as it could be."

That wasn't anything new, not that the red-haired girl would tell him but alot of the support she had given to Tamaki through the years might have been through some pity.

"Anyway, seems we have people now to keep track of stuff like that, kind of wished we didn't, know what I mean?

Taking a deep breath Tamaki continued.

"You see, I don't want to admit it but I've never have been given much respect, especially with all the new recruits coming in, lately I think I've been the butt around jokes, even when something goes wrong they keep calling it some "Tamaki Incident" or something."

Kallen felt slight guilt, occasionally she was one of those people.

"So that's why I'm doing this mission today. The truth is I'm not supposed to be here right now, in actuality I'm supposed to be apprehending this guy two days from now with my team, I'm not even the leader. But I need to do something to prove myself!"

"If I prove to them that I'm amazing, that I did this mission by myself, I'll get respect, I'll show them how capable a founding member of the Black Knights is, that I achieved something that would normally you would need a team for"

"So what am I doing here then?" Kallen asked. "Am I here to be witness and put out a good word ?"

"Huh? Oh, of coarse not " Tamaki was a bit caught up in the moment. "Don't be silly, there is no way I can do this by myself, I know what I just said but as long as nobody finds out about you the result should be enough"

So this little jaunt was only about Tamaki saving face, Kallen couldn't help being a little aggravated because of that, perhaps Tamaki was overacting.

"Tamaki, does respect really matter that much to you that you need to prove yourself like this?

The man gave it a moments consideration.

"Yes, of coarse it does, I have my pride as a man of coarse" his voice this time was monotone. "Thinking back, the person who gave me the most respect as a black knight was that Demon Filth. Man, thats really pitiful of me right?"

Kallen decided to ignore that last remark, though she suspected that Lelouch never really respected him anyway. Meanwhile Tamaki sat, staring at the ground looking a bit upset with himself.

The atmosphere felt really akward at the moment.

"Well, cake's not to bad, ought not to be after how expensive it was and all" Tamaki tried getting the conversation back to a more routine topic.

"I've tasted better" Kallen made a quick reply.

"Hmmph, your never satisfied are you?"

* * *

The two blacks knights prowled the area, doing recon for now. Kallen head was still irritated by pain or maybe that was the frustration she had for Tamki right now.

Really, it was a rush job but he should at least be more prepared, he didn't even bring enough equipment for both of us. Between them they only had one gun as an offensive weapon, it wasn't even the right kind of gun to have in this situation, a needle gun loaded with sedatives would have been ideal in this situation, but Tamaki had come with the standard variety, especially since they were forbidden from causing extreme injury unless provoked.

Sure less equipment might help draw less suspicion but there was a limit to things like that. Other than that they were limited with basic supplies, radioes, flashlight, special goggles,stuff like that. Tamaki carryed the gun, he was a bit afraid what Kallen might do when she was angry with him, besides her hand to hand combat skills were some of the best he had seen.

According to the mission details, they were on the look out for the two of which the description gives off britannian descent, both middle aged, one with dark blond hair, the other a brunette, moderate height, average physical build, both most likely to be lightly armed at best.

The suspects were presumed to be hiding knightmare parts inside crates with spare equipment for the rides at Clovisland, they were to be shipped along as outgoing crates to be bided of off through the black market.

It was a small time longer than the estimated before any progress was made, they had found their targets easily enough, but a quick debate over strategy hindered their schedule, a direct approach of capture and interrogation had its appeal, but lacked any options should something go wrong.

They had found the two suspects hauling through crates in a medium sized warehouse, it wasn't hard to find them, the amusement park was empty besides them. Clovisland rarely had much business recently, maybe the name was discouraging, it really was a mystery why this place hadn't closed down yet, in turn employees had been brought down to the minimum, it just so happened they these two suspects were the employees.

The two Black Knights decided to try a more flexible approach, Tamaki would confront the two men directly and press them for evidence, maintaining the front that he was alone, meanwhile Kallen would hide in the shadows using their observational equipment ready to take action if aid was needed or get back up if the situation ever got dire enough, they could communicate through the radio and earpiece.

The plan was sturdy enough, they didn't have time to fine tune the specifics, but it should be more or less straight-forward. They got into the respective positions, Tamaki ready to jump into the open, while Kallen was looking through one of the many windows wearing the some of the surveillance equipment, little did she know how much she would regret letting Tamaki lead into the mission head first..

"Don't move! Under the jurisdiction of the Black Knights you are to be detained!"

Tamaki yelled catching the attention of the two men, trying his best to exert authority.

The two men intial reactions comprised of shock, confusion and fear, it only took a second for them to regain the composure after a mild panic, not to mention the loud bang from a gun.

"I said don't move" Tamaki fired a warning shot and now was banishing his weapon to make his point. "I am a member of the Black Knights and I'm taking you into custody!"

"What?" The suspects calmed down enough to voice the immediate opinion.

"Under suspicion of possession of illegal knightmare weapons, your being detained!"

Which was immediately met with denial, not that Tamaki cared, he had the gun to argue his point for him as he fired another warning shot to silence them.

The Black knight instructed the men to assume a stance with there arms above their heads, with his gun trailing there body, Tamaki came approached cautiously.

The smugglers found it suspicious to see only one Black Knight, not that it mattered at this point, he was armed after all. Tamaki performed a basic body check for weapons, not finding anything to lethal.

The Black knight then intructed his supects toward the table at the back of the warehouse while reminding them not to flee, he just need to check the contents of a nearby crate to verify the contents.

Tamaki began to inspect the crates, each of them made with a special casings to protect the contents. It took only a brief moment for Tamaki to complete his initial assessment.

"How do you open these things anyway!?"

It appeared as the smugglers were inexperienced with this situation, none the less they eyed each other as if making a decision amongst themselves. To them it was only one man, and a seemingly bumbling one at a few seconds they broke off eye contact, the dark haired one turned his focus on the Black Knight before him.

"Fine, let me open this box up behind me and let me prove it's nothing illegal"

The two men had decided to try the basic distraction ploy, as one of them took most of the attention on him, the other would casually reach for a makeshift weapon of some sort, this would lead up to them hopefully subduing their interrogator, normally this sort of plan would fall through easily enough though fateful enough for them the person confronting them was the ever reliable Tamaki.

While making exaggerated slow paced movements the man opened a crate at his leisure, beckoning the black knight for a closer look.

"Here, look you can see for yourself"

Before the Black Knight could perform a more thorough check, his ear piece alerted him to the other suspect.

"Approaching behind you, looks like a blunt metal tool"

Tamaki spun around, and pointed his gun at ready toward the other suspect, the man was caught off guard, dropping the wrench, then quickly regaining his composure and began trying to play off the situation as a coincidence.

"Don't screw around!" Tamki bellowed with authority. "It seems I will have to add a some extra charges now, don't try it again!"

The smugglers first plan had failed, it would be stupid to try again but they were willing to take their chances anyway. While one of them distracted Tamaki with an apology and pleas, the other started their back up plan, he reached for the hidden remote stored at the underside of the nearby table. Was he willing to take the risk? Might as well, they had nothing much to lose anyway.

In a heartbeat the light gave out, leaving the room in pitch black, a second later a fog machine was deployed.

"Shit! You two don't move, I'm warning you don't move or I'll shoot!"

Tamaki tried to regain control, but the suspects had already left the building.

Back outside Kallen was still observing, when suddenly the light inside the room was out, then a think smoke covered the room, Tamaki had somehow messed up again, back to the matter at hand, she switched through the filters on the goggles, one of them at least should work, the enemy didn't seem to have a high enough budget for something extravagant, finding a setting that worked she would have to do with infrared for now. Activating her radio again she needed to see if Tamaki was still conscious"

"Tamaki, situation!?"

"I can't see!" came the reply.

Well he was still alive then, while she listened to the man's slight panic she assessed the area.

"Okay Tamaki. They have split up, appearing to escape on foot for now, one is heading north the other south-east. I suggest we attempt pursuit individually, I'll go north, you south east, got it?"

"Huh? Yeah, sure. Thats sounds right."

"Oh, and Tamaki, special note"

"I'm listening"

"Please don't goof up again."

Leaving with that remark Kallen ran after her target, something felt wrong though, her head was still throbbing but that wasn't all, her body was starting to feel numb too, must be some after effect of refrain, but still she was the the ace of the Black Knights, her skills couldn't have degenerated so badly that she couldn't handle the average person, not yet anyway.

Catching sight of her target, she followed, she had to admit that she found it hard to keep her pace, some time ago she this would have been easier and faster but that was then, the good news was that the man had trouble running as well, maybe even worse than her.

The suspect, not identified as the blond one, stopped to hide in small grassland enclosure in a bush for the moment, he had run his breath and needed a moment to this was Kallen's chance, although she couldn't rush in blindly, she needed some way to distract the man if only for the moment. Thinking as fast as she could, she picked up a near by rock and threw in in the direction of her target. The rock hit the ground with a loud thud, attracting the attention of the blond man.

"Don't move or try to resist or I will shoot" Kallen yelled while closing the distance with rushed steps, so it was shoot part was a bluff, it still seemed to be working.

The smuggler was shocked, his escape plan was foiled, he had told his partner they needed to think things like these through, but no, go with the cheap way, save money, nobody will catch on by the time they finished. The man slowly lifted his arms in surrender.

He heard steps coming towards him, it was all over for him now, there didn't seem to be a way to get out of this, he would probably spend the rest of his life in confinement, then something occurred to him, if that was his future, he might as well not exist, if that was the case he might as well take a chance or go down fighting.

Kallen walked slowly over to her target, somehow thinking of a way to detain him without letting him know she was unarmed, but then moment was lost as the man got up and made a rush toward her.

The smuggler was desperate, any resistance made sense at the moment, he ran toward his pursuer only to be stopped and pushed back painfully, he was no trained fighter unlike his opponent.

Kallen lowered her knee back to the ground, the idiot was still trying to resist, guess she would have to use force to persuade him to settle down, the movement was painful for her though, her body was nowhere it's peak, her reaction time was well below her average as well, but hopefully she had enough battle experience to make up for that.

The man shrugged his pain and got back up, he noticed two things, his opponent was apparently just a young girl, next she didn't seem to be armed, maybe he had a chance after all, then he felt the pain surface again, then again she was a lot stronger than looked. The man next tried starting with a running punch and following it with several other punches.

The red-haired girl easily blocked each punch, normaly she would just dodge them but she couldn't afford any fancy movements at the moment, defense was easy enough but she couldn't muster the speed needed for a counter attack, to think she had fallen to having trouble with a average man. She needed a bigger opening than the one the man was letting up now.

Kallen tried a feint to the left after the latest punch, it was successful as she had hoped, the man tried to vear off the attack with a kick, it was at that moment that his balance was at his most vulnerable which was quickly capitalized on. The girl used her leg to give a direct attack to man's mid-section followed by a blow to the back of the head. The smuggler keeled over and fell to the ground.

The female Black Knight stood victorius over her target, all that was left was to bound him in some way, that was the plan anyway, as she found a sudden grasp over her right ankle. Impossible that last blow should have knocked him out, didn't it have enough force? Had she underestimate how much power her latest habits had taken from her?

The girl lost her balance in surprise, falling backwards onto the ground, she had to hurry and get back up before her target got the upper-hand, as she pushed herself up she felt something hit her face, it was dirt from the ground, the man obviously didn't plan on fighting fairly, trying to adjust her eyes she suddenly felt a very painful thud on her alreadying aching head.

It was the rock from before, the one that she had thrown earlier, this was not good.

The smuggler still wasn't thinking clearly, everything he did was desperately done in panic, but it looked like he should take his chances and run for now, before the girl recovered enough subdue him.

Kallen's gaze passed on to the fleeing man, she couldn't let the man get away, but her body wasn't really obeying her at one hundred percent right now, even her conscious started to fade, her head pained more and it hadn't been exactly peaceful the first place.

This was really troublesome, she still wanted to go home before her mother got up and put up the facade of sleeping the whole night.

Her eyes started closing, she didn't have the energy to speak either.

'It's funny, it's like I'm dying' her thoughts were the only thing she had that she could still somewhat control.

'I shouldn't black out like this, I still have things to do...uh? Then what was I doing again? Oh, it doesn't matter now anyway. In a few seconds I'll be like..uh, dead. How pitiful I still have things to do and have to live on for'

Her eyes fully closed, her vision became black.

* * *

"Live on Kallen"

"What?"

"I said I still want you to live on Kallen."

The voice resonated in the ace pilot's head, it was the voice she would never forget, she looked around for the source, her vision was blurred, each shape was hard to distinguish, where was she anyway? The last she could remember she was at some sort of theme park.

"There is no point in you dying here, we have to escape together or not at all."

An image of a young man appeared before her, he had dark hair and amethyst eyes, Lelouch.

Her vision started to clear, the strange shapes in the background began to take form, they began to morph into crates, tools, other machinery.

Oh, it was the continuation from the vision earlier, strange, she couldn't recall just taking some refrain. The Guren was just a corridor away, then they could leave.

A loud thud caught the girls attention. Facing forward she noticed a door, loud grunts were coming from it, the door seemed locked although someone could be heard trying to force their way in.

"Don't ever think of sacrificing yourself for time again! Your life is not expendable Kallen, now we have to go, hurry!"

"Ah, yes"

The red-haired grabbed the arm of her friend and turn to make a dash to the opposite side of the room. She could barely make two steps when a loud crash behind her informed her that the door had caved and a new obstacle demanded her attention.

"Zero! Kallen! What is this crap? You guys, this isn't true right!?"

Kallen turned back around, shoving Lelouch behind her, the newest hinderance appeared to be one of the longest members of the Black Knights, Tamaki. He apparently knocked the door open by himself, sun-glasses protected his eyes"

Urging Lelouch with hand movements behind her back to go on, she snarled at their sudden visitor.

"Back down Tamaki! I won't allow you to stop us! If you interfere, I won't show mercy and you'll join Tohdoh"

Tamaki face contorted in a mixture of sadness and rage.

"So it's true, the whole geass thing, every word! Zero, what have you done? We trusted you! What have you done to Kallen!? I know for a fact that she would never turn against us if she had a choice!"

Lelouch faced the man,about to give appropriate response, but his bodyguard had other words for the older Black Knight.

"You don't know me at all Tamaki, Lelouch is my hope for the world!" Kallen shouted while raising her gun. "My will is my own, and I believe he can save the world, I won't abandon him like you traitors"

The pilot shot a warning shot above the head of the most decorated janitor of the Black Knights.

"Now leave before I kill you!"

Tamaki still showed defiace, anger seem to rise within him.

"That can't be true! Kallen look at yourself, that can't be what you really want!"

The girl carefully aimed her weapon.

"I warned you Tamaki!"

Tamaki made a mad dash towards the two, the response was a bullet fired from the fire-arm Kallen was holding. Tamaki couldn't avoid it but sacrificed his right arm as a shield to protect his vitals, barely making it, the wound would still kill him if he didn't have help soon though.

Despite the injury Tamaki manage to get up close to the two, though not having much else after that stunt he collapsed onto the girl.

"This can't be you Kallen. Please, wake up! Wake up!"

* * *

"Kallen, wake up! Wake up!"

Tamaki started shaking the girl after checking her vitals, trying to revive from her knocked out state.

Earlier,Tamaki had been chasing his target only to lose track of him after several turns around corners, he shouldn't have messed up like that, it was things like this can could really ruin his career, now he probably be kicked out or forced to do some menial tasks instead of the glory he wanted.

All hope wasn't lost though, as long as his partner caught one of them, he had a lead and could maybe redeem himself and better before the night was over if he was lucky, he would have to put his hopes into that, the chances were minor but that girl had never let him down before.

He gave the area a quick search while trying his radio to contact Kallen, there was no response, but Tamki was unduly worried, it probably just fell off or something.

After several minutes, he went back ready to help if needed, he probably wasn't, and come to think of it he needed to make up an excuse for letting the guy escape.

He really need a good one to explain this, his running pace slowed as he tried egging on his brain for good ideas, yet still none came, you could almost hear the whir as his mind searched for a suitable scenario. He closed his eyes rubbing his temple, with his gun free hand and slowed down to a walking pace, this would be hard.

Then he tripped.

He fell over something in his path, his gun jumping out of his hand, he felt really dumb to have something like this happen to him, he hoped that Kallen wasn't nearby to see his mishap.

Crouching over nursing his slights bumps from the fall, he began to search for his weapon, then he noticed what he had tripped over.

Panic took a firm place in his head as he saw the unconscious Kallen lying on the path, she couldn't be dead, that wasn't possible. He checked her vitals,thank goodness she was still alive, wait, it was not time to be thankful yet. Tamaki grabbed the girl by her shoulders, and hurriedly began shaking her, yelling at her to wake up, all his first aid knowledge forgotten in his haste.

Kallen began to stirr, confused and weary. She heard someone shouting for her, increasing her headache. She realized someone was shaking her, that seemed odd and out of place, for the moment her instinct was to pretend to still be out for the moment and assess the situation before making her move.

Opening her her eyes a crack a moment, she began to take in the sights, first of all there was Tamaki, shouting indescreminal at her, a sudden anger was her prominent emotion now, next she saw the night sky, where was she? Something still not right, then she saw a gun lying next next to her, even more confusing.

She tried to put these thoughts in her head, what was going on? What was the situation, and why did she feel so angry?

There was only one scenerio that came up strongly. A sudden jolt of memory seem to make sense of the situation.

There was no time to think Kallen grabbed the weapon Tamaki carelessly misplaced beside her in the swiftest motion she could manage.

A loud bang filled the area followed be a scream of pain, Kallen had fired a shot randomly in a panic, it seemed to be a hit, although it apparently struck the area below the knee.

Cluthing his wound by his shin, Tamaki fell back with shock and confusion, it was obviously an accident right? While blood poured out, it was not a life-endangering wound, it should be alright as long as he had some quick medical attention.

"Kallen, what the hell?! What did you go and do that for!" the man yelled out defiantly, coming to the conclusion it was some sort of accidental impulse thing.

The girl stood there, not giving any sign that she had registered what was going on.

"Kallen don't just stand there in shock, come here and help me!"

The girl still didn't respond.

"Kallen!"

That last word seemed to have been heard as the Black Knight pilot took notice of the wounded man's presence, however her reaction didn't seem to be the help Tamaki was looking for, the girl slowing raised her right arm, aiming the weapon to the man's forehead.

"What? What?," Tamaki was baffled. "This is a joke right? Come on, don't fool around like this, I really need the help here."

The moment seemed to take forever, to Tamaki this situation seemed unreal, something like this happening was ridiculous, impossible, maybe it was some sort of bad dream

"Shit, I don't get this at all."

The young women looked Tamaki in the eye.

"Bye Tamaki, I never expected you to understand anyway, not with your flimsy loyalty." The voice was cold, distant yet said with certainty.

"Kallen, what i-"

Tamaki didn't finish his question, he was interupted by a loud thud and then nothing, his mind was gone, his life was gone.

"It never gets easier does it, no matter, it was for your sake" Kallen contemplated then spun around behind her. "Now come on Zero, we have to go now!"

Kallen looked around in a quick panic, not finding Lelouch anywhere, just an empty amusement park by herself.

"I don't understand, where did he go?" the girl pressed her hand against her hand in frustration. "Ow!"

Suddenly a sharp pain in her head brought her back to reality, in a sudden burst, her thoughts became clearer and a realization dawn upon her. Slowly she turn around and looked downwards.

Oops.


	7. Chapter 7

"Well that's not her best performance" Ohgi sighed.

"Indeed" Zero agreed.

The two Blacks Knights watched as the Guren was running through its latest field tests, needless to say the results were not as high as they had hoped. The movements were not precise enough, the time reaction was slightly delayed, perhaps the new equipment wasn't as functional as they claimed.

The status screen showed system analysis fully functional, maybe the upgrades were too much to properly operate even for their ace pilot, yet something seemed out of place with that theory, the Guren pilot had easily mastered all the previous upgrades effortlessly, so it became a really surprise this one was taking such a toll on her now.

"You can't really blame Kallen though," continued Ohgi. "Tamaki's funeral was only yesterday, you know, those two were actually quite close. Poor girl must still be suffering from shock"

"I understand," responed Zero not taking his gaze away from the Guren. "I know the feeling well, to be told that an important friend has died without even knowing, let alone trying to prevent it"

Two of the most prominent leaders of the Black Knights continued to watch from the observational ship. In truth Zero wasn't scheduled to be here at the moment, having other ordeals in others countries still to be done, the matters on hand had to be put on delay however to attend the funeral of one of longest members with an excuse of an internal mishap to pacify the other countries.

"I'm really worried about her though," Ohgi spoke as he turned his head toward to masked leader. "Knowing her, she probably wants personally to take revenge on Tamaki's murderer herself, it's understandable but I don't want her to risk her life like that"

Zero placed his arm under his mask, his hand slight raised to mouth level as a gesture to indicate he was planning something.

"Yes, some precautions must be put in place, Ohgi may I to speak to you in private for a moment."

* * *

The Guren was hobbling in the air, it was taking substantial effort from the pilot to try and keep it steady as it was.

'This shouldn't be happening!' Kallen thought as she tried to regain more mobility. 'This used to be second nature to me, now I'm hardly better than an average pilot!'

The whole cockpit seemed much more complicated than it used too, still it should have been easy to manage, like her body was supposed to be on automatic auto-pilot.

'I never noticed how much things I had to do to work this thing'

Unfortunately the machine relied on the skill of the pilots body as well to work it's full potential, Kallen felt her muscles try to keep up with the mechanisms, it was really exhausting, it had seemed so easy a short time ago, but what had made her change so drastically since her last piloting adventure. Oh yeah, that.

"Captain, there is no need to over-exhert yourself" came the voice over the radio.

"No, it's fine, I can still do it, I'm just getting used to the controls, in a moment I'll be flying great as always."

"Captain, It's apparant that you are still suffering from the lost of your friend Tamaki, your heart just isn't into it, we won't be able to obtain substantial data when your like this, in conclusion we will seek to arrange to postpone this testing simulation to a later date."

The red-haired girl was grateful for the excuse, not that she would ever admit it, still she might carry a bit a resentment to the person on the radio. She turned her attention on docking her red knightmare. The people were willing to put down her lack of performance to grief over her fallen friend, she supposed that was somewhat true, she was happy to leave it like that. It wasn't the whole truth yet still her thoughts and emotion were still recovering from her past grieving

* * *

It was a tragic night when Tamaki's died, Kallen had saw the man's last moments herself, the last look of shock on his face as the gun trigger was pulled, it was an eventful night.

It was like out of a dream, something that couldn't be possible, that she had murdered the man herself in a small lapse of delusion, it was only a few seconds after until reality kicked in.

The girl's following emotion was grief, sadness at the death of an ally, but that emotion was quickly crushed by a more demanding one. From there Kallen's memory from that point was hazy at best, her thoughts consumed by the rush of panic.

It was confusing, it didn't make sense, she didn't know how they had come to such a conclusion. So she did the only thing that made sense at the moment, she ran, she fled the area taking the weapon that had killed the man with her.

The red-haired girl ran as far as she could before having to take a rest, trying to console herself.

'That didn't happen right?' Kallen's thought loudly resonated in her head. 'Of course that can't be true, the whole thing was a delusion, I imagined the whole thing, it was just one of my episodes again'

Kallen walked to her home the rest of the way before daylight broke, repeating her thoughts until she convinced herself it was true. Kallen snuck into her house while her mother slept, the older woman would never even know she had left the house during the night.

The Black Knight ace climbed into her bed as soon as she could, pulling the covers over her head, she couldn't sleep the last few hours before daylight, all she could do was repeat the mantra of denial until she erased every shred of doubt from her head.

She didn't leave her house the next moring, she couldn't even leave her bedroom, each moment spent to pacify her guilt until it was stable enough to get out of bed. Her mother had left for her job earlier without even suspecting the existance of her daughter's turmoil other than a slight head-cold.

'Get a hold of yourself, Kallen' The voice in her head shouted. 'That wasn't real! That was just a mirage, Tamki is still alive somewhere probably getting drunk or something, he will even probably phone later to give another of his annoying stories, he might even called already and left a message'

It was midday before Kallen had enough courage to check the messages on her phone, there was a few unimportant ones, actually they were all unimportant, no messages of missed calls from Tamaki.

'If your that worried why don't you just phone him yourself' Kallen still giving herself her inner pep talk. It wasn't that simple though, she didn't felt like phoning the man now, what if there was a slim chance she actually did kill him. No that wasn't right, she had gotten rid of that ridiculous idea.

Before she could even press the next button, her phone began to ring in her palms. She answered on the fifth ring.

"Hello" the girl answer wearily expecting the voice of Tamaki to boom through.

"Kallen, are you at school right now?" It wasn't Tamaki but the voice of their mutual friend Ohgi.

"Eh, no, I...I have a head cold.. I'm home today" Kallen's voice shook through quietly.

"Kallen, you might want to sit down before I tell you the rest, it's bad news I'm afraid."

Panic once again threatened to consume the girl, but she fought it down for the moment their was still hope left, yet fearing the words that she sensed were coming.

"Okay, I'm sitting, so tell me whats going on"

She sat on her bed, her knees held towards her body by her free arm.

"Kallen...our friend, Shinichirō Tamaki has been found dead."

The silence it the room lasted just for a moment.

"What!?"

"It's true I'm afraid, you se-"

"No! It's not true Ohgi! It isn't true at all! I saw him yesterday, he was heathy as ever!"

The red-haired girl wouldn't accept this, her emotions were growing out of control.

"Kallen, please calm do-"

"Your lying to me Ohgi!" Kallen screamed over the phone. "Your just lying to me all over again! Why do you keep lying to me? Do you enjoy seeing me suffer? Do you like taking away every shred of peace I have?! I won't be fooled by your tricks anymore!"

"Kallen, calm down"

Kallen felt her burst of adrenalin subside, as she let out some barely audiable sobs. Ohgi took a moment to regain his composure as he continued.

"Look, your attitude is understandable but he is dead without a doubt. His body was found in a amusement park, a Clovisland. It seems he was murdered by gun shot I'm sorry to say..."

"And.." Kallen sobbed through, still expecting the worse to come.

"And?"

"Do you know whio killed him?"

"I'm sorry Kallen, the Black Knights have no clear idea who killed him, we have two staff members od Clovisland missing as the most likely suspects though"

The red-haired girl took small relief at that fact though and let out a comforting breath.

"I'm sorry Kallen, I know he was close to you, don't worry, I'll take care of it, you just take it easy, I'm sorry I had to tell you this, but I thought it was best from me, anyway thats enough for now, you should take it easy for now"

"Er, Yeah, of course" Her voice was still shaky but getting better at least.

"Bye for now. Don't worry, there was nothing you could to stop it, so don't blame yourself, and as always, I'm always ready to listen if you want to talk"

With that Ohgi ended the call.

With the moment had finally passed Kallen fell backwards on her pillow behind her. She didn't what to feel or even what to do now, she could really use someone to ask advice from now, but not Ohgi, that man wasn't someone she wanted to talk to since along time ago.

The red-haired girl reached beside her bed, picking up her favourite photo from her bed-side table, their was nobody she would rather rely more than this person.

"Hey Lelouch, tell me what to do" Kallen began ready to heed the words of the picture.

The photo stood slightly in her hands, reflecting some light that was on it.

"Oh I see, your telling me to figure the whole situation out first."

Kallen smiled at the photo, it was always willing to listen and dispatch great advice, not the "seek help" advice that other people might mention, but actually useful advice that could benefit the girl.

"Well I guess I really did kill Tamaki, who would have figured, huh? But tell me, was that really the right thing to do?"

"..."

"Yeah, it was kind of his own fault"

"..."

"Of coarse not, I did it to protect you, nothing more and nothing less"

"..."

"Come to think of it, he is part of the reason your not here right now, that alone is worth killing him at least 100 times over"

"..."

"When you put it like that, as long as it's for protecting you, nothing is to high of a cost, I won't have any regrets"

"..."

"Miss him? No, I don't need him as long as I have you"

"..."

"Fine, I'll grieve for him but I won't regret his death, that's my final decision"

"..."

"Thanks, anyway I'll still go to his funeral, and there is still that knightmare test I have to do soon"

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but Kallen was sure that that picture smiled at her, either case she began feeling better already placing the photo beside her again, she went back into bed, ready to catch up on the sleep that she had missed.

* * *

The ace pilot managed to land the Guren successfully and left the hanger heading towards the changing rooms.

What she didn't count on was Ohgi waiting for her outside the room, his expression trying to encourage to mood but failing horribly, he had come to deliver a short message.

"Kallen, Zero would like to speak with you privately for a moment."

That didn't sound very reassuring.

"What? Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. Me and Zero just want to inform you of out latest plans, don't worry, it won't be anything you wouldn't be able to handle."

* * *

Zero and Kallen sat at opposite sides of small end table. Ohgi had left a few minutes ealier. They were in one of Zero's many offices alone together. The masked man began clearing his throat to gather attention.

"Now Q-1, I wou-"

"Before we start, this conversation is private right? No recordings or cameras, sound or otherwise correct?"

If the leader of the Black Knights was disturbed at the sudden interruption his mask didn't show it.

"Um, yes that's correct, nothing we say leaves this room, why are-"

"Good, so what do want you Fake Zero"

The girl stared at her would be leader, the look of slight disdain upon her face.

"Fake Zero? It's still going to be like that, I had hoped you would have moved on from that by now"

"Of coarse, you should give up on that, no matter what I will never acknowledge you as the true Zero,not ever. I know who you really are so don't try anything cute"

Suzaku was slightly scared under his Zero costume, sometimes he couldn't help suspect that the ace of the Black Knights would kill him if she had the chance.

'Boy Lelouch, you sure know how to pick them' the masked man thought as he listened to rest of Kallen's short rant.

"And don't call me "Q-1", were in private and you know I hate you using that name for me."

Zero sighed, Kallen was always so defiant whenever she could display it, the girl had made it no secret between them that she didn't like the new Zero at all. Not as if he could blame her of course, he even agreed with her oppinanan sometimes as well, still this was a burden he had chosen for himself and would bear the consequences.

"Very well Kallen." The masked man continued. "You know, it's amusing that Ohgi asked me to talk to you privately, hoping I would be able to talk some peace of mind into you, he still seems to be under the impression that you admire me or something, in reality it seems to be the opposite though."

"Really? What do you expect? In case you haven't noticed it yet Fake Zero Suzaku, I don't like you, no matter the reason, nothing will change that"

"Yeah, I expected as much," Zero looked down for a minute before getting back to business. "About the true reason why Ohgi and I have called you here"

"And here it comes' Kallen thought preparing herself for the worst case scenario.

"New evidence has come to light about the murder of Tamaki"

It was just as Kallen dreaded, yet something was still out of place, if they figured out the truth shouldn't they captured her already instead of doing this drawn out method.

"It seems it wasn't just a random killing and that the culprit seems to have an alternative motive"

Kallen tried to think of excuse or anything else that would help her.

"So that's why your being reassigned as Prime Minister Ohgi's personal bodyguard."


End file.
